Monday, December 18, 2006

A Wonderful Camping Trip

We just returned from a camping trip out west. This was very unlike us as I am obviously the pampered sort and my husband's idea of roughing it typically involves the largest of my strap-on toys.

There were at least two elements of our camping trip which had a very sexual element which might be of interest to all of you.

One was a wonderful love-making experience that we had on a river bank opening up to a broad expanse of open, rocky shore. You could see miles down the river in both directions and hundreds of yards back until the rocky ground gave way to a grove of trees at the base of a small ledge rising up above those same trees. In this isolated but very public area my husband stripped, prepared me my lunch, and generally served my comforts while I relaxed and enjoyed the moment. Later, he serviced me orally and eventually we had intercouse. I was so moved by the moment that I allowed him the very rare treat of releasing his seed inside my body.

The other element of note was the fact that I did not bathe for the entire six days of our trip. There were times during the week that we were engaged in very strenuous hiking, and while it was never very warm, I still worked up heavy perspiration on some days. All of this made my musk quite strong, and this was much to the delight of my husband. Later, when we were together in our tent, even I was quite overwhelmed by the perfume of my own body that lingered on my husband's face.

I don't know if there is anything to the science of pheremones or not, but I will definately say that both of our libido's were very strong that week. I am reminded that Napolean once wrote Josephine and instructed her not to bathe before he returned to see her. I think I see why.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Synchronized Breathing

I love to lie next to my husband and syncrhonize our breathing in such a way that my every exhale is his every inhale. The air from my lungs is as intimate as any of the other bodily exchanges I have described on here, and offers a wonderful window to intimacy. Also, not all of our intimate activity provides us face to face contact. I do love my husband, after all, and love staring into his eyes.

Friday, October 27, 2006

Melancholy and Femdom

There is certainly an emotional rhythm to the joy I take in controlling my husband and the joy he takes in surrendering to me. He tells me that on rainy days, he can more quickly and deeply immerse himself in subspace. This may be a reflection of the fact that I am less playful, but more sincere and noticeably more intense in my demands when the gloom of the weather affects my mood.

I think when we retreat into our minds and are less distracted by the activities that good weather affords us, we are more open to true intimacy. For my husband and I, intimacy is so easily expressed in terms of power exchange. I suppose that the silver linings around the rain clouds in our lives are easily wrapped around his neck with one end in my delicate hand.

Monday, October 23, 2006

Anatomy and Metaphor

It can be no coincidence that two of the activities that seem to have the most metaphorical significance to my husband and I involve the same small patch of our respective anatomies.

I love the physical sensatin of my husband's tongue on my labia and clitoris, but nothing quite says adoration like his tongue in my asshole. Yes, it has a very pleasant physical sensation associated with it, but there is something else. There is a certain comfort I take in the eagerness with which he worships this tiny rosebud that makes it all very special. Also, I know that it strains his tongue like mere oral sex does not. His analingnus is more of a thrusting motion than his cunilingnus, and I know it wears him out terribly to do it as long as I require.

Likewise, his own asshole brings me pleasure. I am resolute that it is a sense of feminine and not masculine power that I feel when I penetrate him with my own prosthetic cock. We most often do this in front of a large mirror that we have hung in the loft area where my massage table sits. He watches himself become my slut, which is something akin but slightly different from being my servant. He has told me that, physically, this is actually no comfort to him. Emotionally, however, he begs me for it.

Friday, October 20, 2006

Television Show Featuring Submissive Husbands

I received an email making me aware of the ABC show Wife Swap's interest in featuring a household where the husband is submissive and the wife dominant. Apparently, the show contacted Emily Addison to solicit help in finding such a couple, and she has posted a letter to that effect on her blog. Even given the $20,000 fee to participate, I am afraid I value my privacy a bit much for this. However, it occurs to me that it would be a wonderful adventure for a mainstream husband to show up in the house of a cuckoldress: "And now we live by my rules. Do be a dear and taste my lover's seed."

In any event, I think that the general public is not ready for loving female authority as the media remains too interested in the shock value of the lifestyle and not at all interested in the very genuine benefits. I believe that a sincere approach to the topic would have great interest to the audience of Oprah, the View, or any of these mainstream talk shows.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

A Golden Pleasure Not Often Discussed

Since first writing about my initial experiences in having my husband consume my golden nectar, I have not said much more about this. We still practice this very often. In fact, he has become so good at it that I can be sitting in our den and urinate in his mouth without any fear that he will spill a drop. For anyone that has real and not fantasy experience with this practice, you know that my confidence in this represents quite an accomplishment on his part.

While he loves the symbolic nature of the act, he still abhors the taste of my urine. However, he has overcome the gag reflex and has conditioned his throat to remain always open so that he can consume my stream continuously and in large part without intermittent swallowing. We do not do it every day because we suspect it may not be the best thing for his body to be forever consuming my waste products, but it does happen several times a week.

I had once heard that drinking pineapple juice would flavor my urine. However, I drank a half gallon, and he indicated that it had no impact. What does impact the taste is how much water I have had in the hours prior. I can water down my urine, but I still want to make it taste like something special to him. I want him to crave the urine itself and not just the metaphor.

Any suggestions would be welcome.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Old Posts Seem as if Written by Another

There are certain of my older posts that I cherish as if lookihg through a scrapbook of black and white memories. Others seem unfamiliar, as if written by someone else. Focus is crucial to making any relationship work, not just a femdom relationship. I feel that I let myself and my husband down by not taking proper stewardship over our intimacy.

One thing that does not seem unfamiliar to me is all the wonderful comments that have been posted as of late. I am truly grateful for your patience in waiting for me to come out of the wilderness.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Suffering for Me

Yesterday afternoon, I spread grains of rice on the hardwood floors of our bedroom. I had my husband strip and kneel there, his hands behind his back, until 11:00 p.m. This was an eight hour ordeal. I suggest that my readers try kneeling on rice for ten minutes before dismissing the intensity of this act.

At 11:00, he came into the bed and pleasured me with his mouth. Afterwards he was permitted to have intercourse and climax inside me. He then cleaned up - the rice and otherwise - before going to bed.

I believe that we need physical intimacy that stems from penetrative sex. I believe that the presence of his seed in my body is restorative to both of us. I am happy, however, that the ritual suffering that precedes this activity is now taking place.

It is a small sacrifice given the weight of the reward.

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Loving Me

Imagine me sitting back against an abundance of pillows. The room is lit by candles, my mind is warm with wine. My very wonderful but unfamiliar lover has stood up from the bed and watches me as he pulls on his clothes. My eyes are afixed on him as we share a smile. My gaze remains intact as my loving husband emerges from the shadows to position himself between my legs. He consumes me and knows in those moments an emotional and psychological place that completes him. My lover smiles, but shakes his head as if to indicate a complete lack of understanding of this man between my legs. If he mounted my husband, it would not seem to emasculate him as much. My lover finishes dressing and kisses me before bidding me goodbye. He ignores my husband.

In this moment I knew that these addictions must be controlled.

Friday, October 06, 2006

New Beginnings

The storm came very suddenly. We realized that we had become addicted to the roles that felt so natural to us, and we felt compelled to intensify our positions in the relationship. When we had gone as far as we could go, we explored tangents that seemed only remotely connected to where this had all begun.

We retreated, we repaired. We are through with the two steps back, and we are again engaged in two steps forward. He rubs and kisses my feet as I type this.

Goodnight for now.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Interesting Article

Please see the following article reprinted from the ABC News website. It talks about how a woman's infidelity can strengthen a marriage. It mentions nothing even close to cuckolding, but some of the underlying dynamics that drive the ideas in this marriage are surely those same dynamics that drive the intimacy in cuckolding.

In any event, this is a very interesting article.


June 21, 2006 — Dan and Kelly Gengler got married when they were 21 and had two children early in the relationship.

At first they were happy, but postpartum depression and Dan Gengler's long workdays and preoccupation with sports caused the young couple to drift apart.

"I didn't really know who I was or had no idea who Dan was, and I felt myself starting to pull back," Kelly Gengler said. "I started seeking other ways to be emotionally fulfilled, which ended in my having an affair and leaving everything behind."

Her affair stunned Dan Gengler.

"I was angry," he said. "When I first found out about it, and I was kind of just dumbfounded."

A 2004 ABC News poll found that 15 percent of spouses had cheated at some point during their marriage. The Journal of Sex Research found that 25 percent of men and 15 percent of women had cheated.

Kelly Gengler's affair nearly destroyed her marriage. It ultimately, however, brought her closer to her husband.

"Our relationship is definitely stronger," he said. "We've learned a lot about each other and a lot about ourselves."

Kelly Gengler left her husband for six months before convincing him that they should give their marriage another chance. The two went on a retreat with other struggling couples and learned how to make their marriage work, and, most importantly, love again.

"Would I choose to go through the experience of an affair and nearly divorcing in order to become stronger in our marriage? Absolutely not," she said. "Would we be where we are without that happening? I don't think so. I fully believe we would already be divorced."

A Learning Experience

There are other well-known examples of couples who have weathered highly publicized affairs: President Clinton and Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, Bill and Camille Cosby, and Frank and Kathie Lee Gifford.

"People often do get past this and the way in which they do this is by really learning what's happening in their relationship," said psychiatrist Keith Ablow.

In a New York Times article on Tuesday, Ablow wrote that infidelity could prompt a couple to re-examine their needs and re-ignite the passion in their relationship.

"I'm not saying that you should forget," Ablow said. "What you should take away from this is that marriage is a vital enterprise. It needs to be fed constantly."

Belisa Vranich, a clinical psychologist and the sex and relationships editor for Men's Fitness magazine, says that the betrayal of infidelity is so great that most couples can't overcome it.

"Sometimes the infidelity is the last straw," Vranich said. "It's the end of the chapter."

However, Ablow says that sometimes the infidelity can lead to the second chapter of a marriage.

Both Ablow and Vranich agreed that there were some couples who should take infidelity as a sign that they should split.

"If someone is repeatedly straying and making it known to the other spouse either consciously or subconsciously and doing it in such a hurtful way, there is probably such a disregard for the feeling of the other partner," Ablow said.

"If one spouse has no interest in cooperating to make the marriage work, it probably will not work," he said.

Keith Ablow will star in a daytime TV show later this year. To learn more, visit

Thursday, June 15, 2006


When we are engaged in sex, we are conscious of certain sensual details. The feeling of hair sweeping across our cheeks, scratching against our eyelashes. The warmth of a hand on our waist, the stickiness of it pulling away from our warm body to reposition itself elsewhere. The push of your lover's exhale from their chest against yours followed instantly by his or her breath. I believe these sensual details to be at the heart of physical intimacy.

When I describe sex, it seems as if I often recount the story of two shadows making love. The positions of bodies, the start-stop of intercourse, the movements, rhythms and syncopations of two silhouettes disconnected from their other senses. If these descriptions are to inform the reader at all as to the actual events, than they are by their very nature less intimate than the experience itself. I suppose this is at it should be.

I write this because I think it is a metaphor for what my husband tried to describe for me after our dinner party concluded. He said he felt as though we were playing our parts, but there was no true intimacy amongst any of us. I agree. I think the nature of casual aquaintences congealing into sexual activity is less than just the warm kisses of my husband on my ankles when he rubs my feet. I think we reached for something bold, but instead found an experience that might have been on par with an adult film. At the time it was quite absorbing, but afterwards, there was no intensity of his submission to enjoy. Furthermore, my husband has been quite himself since the evening ended. This was very unlike our past experiences in which my nurturing was his opiate.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Our Dinner Party Continues

Maria was absolutely soaked with passion. She rolled off of me and repositioned her body so that she still straddled me, but was now up on her knees facing away from me. Then Dave stood above her on the bed so that she could return to sucking his cock. It was once again semi-hard and still glistening with our fluids. When she had brought back the life in Dave's beautiful manhood, she rolled over so that she was still on top of me, with her face above mine, her elbows on either side of me and her ass in the air above my mid-section. Dave positioned himself behind her and started fucking her. She locked her mouth onto mine in a passionate kiss. I could feel every thrust of Dave's cock reflected in her breathing, the motions of her tongue, the quiver of her lips.

She was calling out to Paul, "Are you watching this? Are you watching this stud fuck your wife?" The taunts stopped, but the fucking continued. Maria's hair was hanging loosely and bouncing about my face. I reached up and touched her breasts. She repositioned herself so that I could put them in my mouth.

After what seemed like a very long time, Dave exploded in Maria. Paul was anxious to clean Dave's seed from his wife as my husband had done for me earlier. I got back up and propped against the pillows so that Maria could rest back against me as her husband went down on her. I kissed the back of her neck and played with her breasts as she gently rubbed her husband's shoulders.

Maria asked what we should do about our husband's hard cocks. I suggested that she learn how powerful it is to leave it that way for a few days. She laughed, pulling her husband's face away from her pussy by his hair. She asked him what he thought about becoming a full-time cuckold, and he just smiled and pulled himself back to devouring her.

When Maria was satisfied, she stood up and led me to the shower. Dave joined us, and afterwards, Paul and my husband both took separate showers. We all met up in the kitchen to drink coffee and finish sobering up before our guests departed.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Dinner Was Served

Dinner was served at 8:00.

Our guests arrived at 7:00. Maria and Paul, her husband, looked wonderful and were glowing with anticipation. With them was Dave, the friend that Maria had discussed on the phone. It turned out that Dave was an old friend of Maria's whom she had known before she ever met her husband. Dave had played with Maria and Paul on several occasions in the past. He was quite good looking. He was tall and thin, and as was the case with our other guests, much younger than I and my husband.

We were all dressed in casual clothes, the men in khaki shorts or jeans, the women in shorts. My husband offered beer or wine to everyone, and we were soon drinking and making the sort of small talk that must have seemed as silly to everyone else as it did to me given what we assumed was to follow. My husband was cooking a tenderloin on the grill, and he served it at 8:00 with a creamy polenta and grilled vegetables. New bottles of wine were opened for dinner. Everyone was delighted with the meal and quite relaxed by the time desert was served. Desert was ice cream served over a warm blueberry crisp.

Maria was the first one to steer the conversation to the topic that was undoubtably on everyone's mind. She told me that Paul and Dave were quite anxious to play their roles and asked if my husband was ready as well. I explained that it was not a matter of roleplaying for my husband, he was at my disposal always. Maria smiled. She clapped her hands twice and commanded Paul to assist my husband in cleaning up the dishes. She lifted a just-opened bottle of wine off the table, picked up her glass, and then invited Dave and I to join her in the living room.

She sat next to Dave on the couch with one arm around him and one leg stretched over both of his. I sat across from them in a high-backed chair. Maria asked me if I had ever been with a woman. I had not and told her so much. Her lingering smile suggested that she was anxious to seduce me. She stood and placed her wine glass on the table beside the couch. She kept her gaze on me as she lifted her shirt above her head revealing youthful breasts. I confess that I have occasionally fantasized about the beauty of the female form, and now I was inclined to indulge this fantasy.

Maria knelt in front of me and lifted my shirt just slightly to kiss my midsection. Then she unbuttoned my shorts and pulled them down and off of my ankles. She left my red lace panties on me as she pulled my legs up and onto her shoulders. She planted soft kisses on me through the panties. I was mesmerized by this young woman. I arched my back and positioned myself lower in the chair to make myself more available to her. I opened my eyes and saw that Paul and my own husband had taken positions on either side of me. Paul extended the wine glass to me, and I took a small sip. My husband put his hand on my head and gently brushed his fingers through my hair. Then, with my eyes again closed, I felt Maria slide my panties off. I felt her warm, soft mouth between my legs. After several minutes, she pulled away and instructed the two husbands to carry me into the bedroom where they propped me upright against some pillows.

I looked up to see that Dave was standing in the room completely naked. His tall, thin form was laced with muscles and he had barely an ounce of fat on his body. His cock hung semi-hard between his legs. Maria knelt in front of him and placed his cock in her mouth. I could see his erection take shape as she wrapped her mouth around it. Then she stood behind him and placed her hand around the base of his erection. She was guiding him towards me and my waiting body. I dropped into position to receive him, and spread my legs invitingly. In an instant he was on top of me and pushing his cock inside of me. My husband kissed my forehead. I took his hand and told him to watch everything that was happening. I screamed to David to fuck me. I was an animal as his cock slammed in and out of me with no rhythm that I could decipher.

David taunted my husband. He rubbed his finger on my clit as he continued to penetrate me. He lifted his finger to my husband and asked him if he would like to taste how excited his wife was. My husband licked at David's fingers with a sweet affection that I knew belonged to me. I soon became lost in the powerful strokes of David's cock until finally, following a sustained pause in David's motions, he released his seed into my body. David pulled out and collapsed backwards on the bed.

By this time Maria had stripped off the remainder of her clothes. She pulled away the pillows against which I had been propped and climbed on top of me, positioning her pussy over my face. I tasted another woman for the first time ever. I was awash in lustful pleasure and could not even watch as my husband took his place between my legs to taste the warm potion that Dave and I had created for him. I could sense his enthusiasm as his tongue went deep into my body to swallow every drop of our fluids.

Friday, June 09, 2006

All Set

We are all set for Maria, her husband, and their friend to join us for dinner this weekend.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Dinner Guests

I spoke with "Maria", the woman to whom I had extended a dinner invitation to her and her husband, last night. She called to happily accept our invitation to dinner at our home for next Saturday evening.

I then told her that there was something she should know which might, although I certainly hoped it would not, cause her to reconsider. I explained that while we did not discuss it when we met this past weekend, my husband and I practice a female-led marriage. I described how he is completely submissive to me, and while the level to which he displays his submissiveness in front of others can be moderated in the interest of their comfort-level, certain limits are always in place. He will not, for example, be permitted to have sex with another woman.

Maria replied that this was incredibly interesting to her. Her and her husband have experimented with roleplaying, but they have taken turns in the dominant and submissive role and they turn these roles off completely outside of the bedroom. I asked her to discuss it with her husband and think about what roles they wanted to play if dinner on Saturday should turn into desert so to speak. I explained that I had cuckolded my husband in the past, but I would understand completely if Maria thought it selfish that I would have sex with her husband while she could not have sex with my own.

Maria has indicated that she will speak to her husband. One idea that she mentioned was involving yet another male friend with whom they have played in the past. This way both husbands could play the cuckold role and the additional guest could play the part of the Bull.

She has indicated she will call me later in the week with an update.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Weekend Cocktail Party

Through circmstances I prefer not to discuss, my husband and I became aware of a group in our city which can best be described as a private swingers club. The group consists of about twenty couples, about half of which might show up at any given event. We were recently invited to a party at a lake home belonging to one of the member couples which was held this past weekend. I decided that we would attend this party, but this being our first time at an event such as this, we would absolutely not -- under no circumstances -- consider playing with another couple. We were told by the guests that invited us that this would not be an issue. In fact, the common areas of the home were off-limits to any sexual activity. Any sexual activity was to take place in one of the home's four bedrooms or the very private hot tub area on the downstairs patio.

My husband and I were both incredibly nervous in driving up to the party. While we had met the one couple that invited us, we did not know them well. We had very little idea of what to expect once we showed up.

Once inside, we were pleasantly surprised. The couples that stood around the kitchen and living room area were all very "normal", (at least reasonably) attractive looking people. Most of them were younger than us, but there were at least two other couples visible that seemed to be our age. We were greeted with welcoming smiles that seemed to hide the same curiousity about us that we certainly had for them. The conversations in which we quickly found ourselves provided no evidence as to what might be happening later that evening. We talked about work, music, and any number of very ordinary subjects. We had a very simple dinner of grilled chicken which we ate buffet style on the deck overlooking the lake.

As the evening wore on and drinks continued to flow, the conversations became increasingly less ordinary, and my husband and I ended up very much the center of attention. We were the only couple at the party who had never attended an event in the past. We both failed to answer as to whether or not we had been sexually active outside of our marriage, and apart from my husband's normally very high attentiveness to my needs, there was no overt indication of his submission to me.

As the evening continued, one younger couple was extremely attentive to the two of us. The woman asked my husband to walk out to the lake with her, but he declined. The husband sat very close to me and had his arms around me for much of the night. They finally asked us outright if we weren't up for spending some private time with them, but I explained that we had made a very serious commitment to looking and not touching at this initial party. I asked, however, if they would consider a dinner invitation from us. They replied eagerly that they would. With that, we told them we would call them this week and encouraged them to find some others with whom to spend the rest of the evening. Shortly afterwards we found the host for the party, thanked him very much -- assured him we would be more fun at the next party -- and went home. Needless to say, my husband spent some quality time between my legs that evening.

I called the couple and left a message for them this morning. On the message I asked if they would be available for dinner next weekend.

Thursday, June 01, 2006


I take my privacy very seriously, and I am becoming quite paranoid at the level of effort that others are putting into "outing" me. I assure you that I am quite real, and I am very intent on remaining anonymous. I have taken and will continue to take steps to disguise my identity.

My husband and I are still together. We are still practicing a female-led marriage. I continue to keep all my options open as to how I control my husband, and these options certainly include cuckolding.

My absence can be explained, in part, by a very serious offer that I have from a large adult web business that wants to leverage the community that is building around this blog to produce a commercial entity. After serious discussions, we have put the plan on hold. However, I remain open to this issue so long as my privacy and my husband's privacy can be protected and that the tone and direction of the web content advances the cause of matriarchy. I will not merely play to the lowest common denominator of male sexual exploitation, but I have something to offer and may one day turn my passion into commerce.

I extend my thanks to all that have emailed me expressing concern and gratitude for this site. I certainly plan to continue posting.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

I Regret Nothing

Let me clarify my last post with this short, but hopefully edifying comment. I regret nothing. As I feel more competant in my ability to communicate my evolving thoughts and emotions on this topic, I will post a more comprehensive comment.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

I Do Not Advocate Cuckolding

Let me make something perfectly clear.

Please know that while I share my own experiences with cuckolding on this site, I do not advocate that anyone take this step. It has been more emotionally charged and complex than I ever realized. Yes, my husband and I have grown through our experience, but it has not been without consequences.

Everyone that reads this blog may arrive at your own conclusions and take whatever course you feel appropriate in your own relationship, but do not look to me to bless your decisions.

Saturday, April 29, 2006

Starting Small

While this site is not intended as a forum for those seeking to initiate loving female authority with their vanilla wives, I do have a generic recommendation. Start small.

Do the little things necessary to build towards a wife-led relationship. Do not expect to bring up cuckolding and to have her jump at the opportunity. For most women, the simple step of assuming the role of head of household requires a signficant shift in thinking.

In the end, it is the knowledge that she is in control and you are her obedient servant that is the true blessing to a submissive man. Cuckolding is only an intense demonstration of that reality.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006


I was surprised by the very large number of private emails I got seeking to bring submissives, dominants and bulls together. The following is a quick summary of those seeking others. I have excluded the largest category, which was submissives seeking dominant women, but I am maintaining a list privately. I may not reply to all the emails I get, but I will do my best to selectively forward emails to those with sincere and thoughtful comments.

Miami: Couple seeking Bull
Norther New Jersey: Dominant woman seeking submissive
Atlanta: Dominant couple seeking other dominant couples and females
Southern California: Couple seeking Bull and also dominant woman seeking submissive
Grand Rapids: Couple seeking Bull
Houston: Dominant woman seeking submissive
Cincinnati: Dominant woman seeking submissive

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Men Seeking to Be Bulls

Although I do not recall ever receiving a public post on the topic, I get email after email offering to be be the Bull in my cuckolding activities. I can tell you with absolute certainty that I would never entertain meeting up with a man that solicited his services to me on this blog.

On a related note, I have never received an email from a woman asking me to help connect her with a submissive man. While I might be more inclined to help in these cases, I think that those women that are self-aware of their dominant nature attract submissive men like moths to a flame and need no help from me.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Interesting Finding

The following appeared in an on-line version of a UK paper. It suggests that giving a woman control of her sexuality is as strong an aphrodesiac as the newly discovered and much touted chemical compound, PT-141. I know that for me, our foray into LFA has awakened a level of sexual intensity that I had forgotten existed.

The funny thing is, it appears there's a certain humanlike subjectiveness to the sex life of lab animals as well. When Jim Pfaus tested PT-141 on his female rats, he based his experimental design partly on the work of Raul Paredes, a fellow rat sexologist testing the effects of something more elusive: personal autonomy. That's a tricky thing to measure, but it can be done. Paredes did it like this: first, he looked at rat couples living in standard, box-shaped cages and recorded the details of their sexual behaviour. Then, he altered the cages in only one particular: he divided them into two chambers with a clear wall broken only by one opening, too small for the males to get through but just right for the females. Architecturally it was a minor change, but what it did for the females was huge. It let them get away from the males whenever they chose to, and thereby made it entirely their choice whether to have sex. Paredes then observed the rats' behaviour in this altered setting. Here's what he found: the effects of giving a female rat greater personal control over her sex life are essentially the same as those of giving her PT-141. Autonomy, in other words, is as real an aphrodisiac as any substance known to science.

Friday, April 21, 2006

Femdom "Buzz-killers"

My husband made an interesting comment to me last night. I asked him to bring me a snack from the kitchen, and when he returned, I very unconsciously thanked him. He told me that this was a real "buzz-killer" for him, and he preferred to told what to do (not asked) and receive no thanks for his service.

Generally, this is exactly what I do with him. However, in the outside world, I am conditioned to use my manners. Occasionally I will slip and use them inside the home. I found it interesting that he shared his observation that good manners are prone to take him out of subspace.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Touched and moved

I am actually touched by the outpouring of emotion that my recent post elicited in some of you. It makes me realize that while I discuss my husband's frailties and the pleasure I take in playing upon them, I tend to leave my own off of these pages. I have grown in my role as a dominant woman, but I still have my own insecurities with which to deal. In fact, my dominance helps me deal with them in a way I am only starting to understand. I now need my husband's devotion - and it would seem that I need it expressed in ever intensifying acts of submission - just as he needs my authority.

The body worship, the massages, they still occur with the same frequency as they did when I originally started posting. Forgive me that I have not thought it important to continue to right about what is very much habit in our household. I think we need to spend time enjoying these simple and delightful pleasures and focus less on the emotional thunder of our recent adventures.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Other Outlets

There are many of you who read my blog, and I am pleased that there is a dedicated group that posts comments. I assure you that I enjoy these comments and take them to heart.

If there are men out there that fantasize of being cuckolded, but have never experienced it, tell me what outlets do you have for your fantasies. You can read this blog, and there are other sites that discuss the topic, but is that enough? Are there videos that are intelligently made? It is not like you can "buy" a cuckolding experience like you can a sexual and even a femdom experience. By necessity cuckolding must be done by someone with whom you are close.

Your comments are welcome.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

New Direction

Forgive my rather abrupt conclusion to the story that I was telling. I have decided not to go further for the near future. While my husband and I are getting back to our old routines, I think it best to refrain from sharing the final details of our night with Jim.

Another opportunity for discussion, however, presents itself. Remember Mindy and Paul, the young couple that have recently begun leading a wife-led marriage? Mindy and I have again been emailing and talking on the telephone. It seems that there is a specific gentleman with whom she is acquainted that has awoken her own desire to cuckold her husband. While I have advised against it at length, I am considering a project where I script a cuckold scene that will serve as a proxy for the real thing. I doubt I would post it publicly (so do not consider your own selfish motives), but I am curious as to what you all might think of such an idea.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Clarification and Comment

I would not describe my husband's post-cuckold experience as a melt-down. The experience, however, does create a very heightened state of emotional sensitivity in him that requires intense nurturing on my part. It connects us in a way that nothing else can substitute.

I certainly do not allow him to orgasm in the moments and days that follow the event, but rather will save his orgasm as a symbolic (and even bio-chemical) conclusion to the stage of emotional intensity in which we now find ourselves.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Delay for Good Cause

While there is more story to tell, I am delaying the details. The after effects of the evening on my husband's emotions are as they were before, and he is always my priority.

Monday, March 20, 2006

An incredible evening continues...

Jim's domineering tone with my husband continued. Had I become uncomfortable with it, I would certainly have acted, but as it was, I was enjoying it. He insisted that my husband strip down and kneel before refilling our wine glasses. Still laying atop Jim, I rolled onto my side and rested my head on one hand. The other hand danced across Jim's chest hairs. I smiled and kept my stare on my husband.

Jim very matter of factly informed my husband that he had already had his way with me. I somewhat whimsically apologized for not waiting until my husband returned. I ran my finger inside of my body and moistened it. I extended it to my husband's mouth and let him taste the warm cocktail that our passion had produced. His eyes closed as his mouth wrapped around my finger.

Jim repositioned me so that I lay flat against his body. I kissed him and raised my hips above his waist. My husband took my cue, and without waiting for permission, moved himself into position behind me. I felt his mouth explore the warmth between my legs as my own mouth was locked onto Jim's. I lowered my hips and I felt Jim's cock hardening against my abdomen. I pushed my body forward slightly so that I could feel his erection and my husband's mouth between my legs at the same time. I then felt my husband put his hand between my legs. He was pushing me open and guiding Jim's cock inside me. I moaned and began a rocking motion.I could feel my husband struggle to keep him mouth between my legs.

This was the wild abandon of inhibitions that when it finally ends, you cannot ever recall -- and certainly cannot articulate -- the experience exactly as it feels at the time.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Once a cuckold...

As is my custom, I will extend the details over several posts. It begins here.

My dearest husband obsesses over my physical pleasure and the solace that he finds in his unconditional surrender to me. Whatever uncomfortable moments he had in the days and weeks that followed his initial cuckolding experience seem to have been forgotten in the grip of his insatiable desire to repeat his ultimate act of submission.

My husband had prepared a wonderful meal for us. However, being sensitive to the awkwardness of his presence, he left his wife and lover to enjoy the meal without him. This was at around 7:30 in the evening. He promised to return by 9:30, and bowed gracefully to both of us as he headed out the door. I certainly had every intention of waiting until my husband returned before initiating any intimacy with Jim. It was only a combination of the wine and Jim's warm breath on the back of my neck as he kissed me and played with hair that changed my plans. When my husband returned, as promised at 9:30, I was laying on the couch wearing only my special necklace, quite passionately ravaged, and stretched listlessly across the length of Jim's own naked body.

Jim surprised me by calling for my husband to bring us more wine. Jim's submissive curiousity, to which he had hinted in his email, did not seem so easily exploited as that of my husband's. I placed my hands between my legs. I could feel Jim's seed already leaking onto my thighs. I knew, however, that most of it was still inside me. I could feel Jim's cock start to harden again beneath me. Apparently he too was enjoying the presence of such precise power exchange.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?

My husband informed me that we will have a guest for dinner Saturday night. It should be quite an evening.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

No Meaningful Update

I am writing this post just to keep everyone on top of the situation relative to my husband's currently open invitation to call Jim.

He has not said anything else about since I first mentioned it to him. We have spent the last few evenings just enjoying each others company. We have played tennis, watched a movie with some friends, and lived a decidedly uneventful life. If not for my evening massages, there would be nothing out of the ordinary about our time together.

Saturday, March 04, 2006


Last night, with a glass of wine in my hand and my husband nuzzled between my legs, I brought up the topic of Jim. I told him that I had recently been thinking about that evening. I asked my husband, now that some time has passed, what his thoughts were on the events that unfolded that night.

My husband was certainly quiet on the topic. However, I could see that it clearly aroused him. This was evident not only in the reappearance of his erection, but also a certain tenor that his body language takes as he drifts into subspace. I asked him to come up on the couch and kiss my breasts. This provided me an opportunity to hold his erection in my hand as we spoke more.

I asked him if he liked being my cuckold, even if it is something that we only occasionally practice. Of course he replied that he did. This, after all, is his nature... even if the actual activity takes some getting used to. I asked him if had ever fantasized about the night we spent with Jim and what specific activities might be the subject of his fantasies. He confessed that he often thought of the moment he first tasted Jim's seed from my body.

I told him that I had been in recent contact with Jim. However, I told him that I did not intend to speak with Jim again any time soon. The exception to this, however, would be if my husband took the initiative to call Jim and invite him to our home. This is where I left it. We will see what happens.

Monday, February 27, 2006

Reading Old Posts

I am sitting here drinking my second... maybe third... (large) glass of wine. My dearest husband has given me a glorious massage and spent more than an adequate amount of time adoring me with even more glorious sexual attention. I have sent him to bed with a golden nightcap of my own making and a very well-deserved orgasm to end an evening of his perfect devotion.

I have spent the better part of the last thirty minutes re-reading old posts. I am quite aroused by my reminiscing. As I now look over at my husband sleeping so peacefully, I cannot help but recall with such vivid precision how he knelt before me and so lovingly drank my lover's seed from me.

I also confess that I have just emailed Jim. I have actually exchanged a number of emails since our first encounter. An unexpected consequence of that evening is that I have awakened a submissive side in Jim that he never knew he had. His emails to me are filled with a very sincere curiousity about the glory of serving as my submissive. If he were here now, I would have him worship me only as long as I could resist a command to ravage me. What a wonderful treat it would be to again be taken and adored.

Perhaps tomorrow I will awake and read old posts again... but without the rose colored tint of this third glass of wine.

A Night Out

We went to the black-owned restaurant and club that I had mentioned in an earlier post. While we had a nice dinner, the entire evening seemed staged and awkward. It was as if we expected to walk into the building and become besieged by beautiful black men approaching us to play into some scripted scenario. It was nothing like this. Honestly, I am a little ashamed and was reluctant to even post this brief recap of the evening.

The best part of the night was going home to a wonderful massage and the pleasures of my husband's mouth on my body.

Monday, February 20, 2006

A Young Couple's New Beginning

When I originally began this blog, it was intended as a forum for loving female authority in all of its many facets. I feel, however, that ever since I first mentioned cuckolding, that the focus has remained on this one very intense dimension of the lifestyle. For my own part, this has been therapeutic, and I am sure that for many of you it has been a great source of interest. However, let us not forget that there is more to life, and more to LFA, than mere cuckoldry.

To that end, I want to share the barest outline of a correspondence that I have entered into with a young woman who contacted me via the email address that I provided in an earlier post (kath_west "at" While I have received a great many emails since first posting that address, and have appreciated most all of them, I have received nearly none from women. I should not say that this surprises me, but it is a fact worth noting.

The particular email exchange to which I now refer began about a month ago, and I post my comments on it now because I think it is exactly the sort of success story that many of you hope to achieve in your own relationships. Let me also add that I have confirmed that this story is not fabricated by a male who is corresponding with me and signing as a woman. I actually spoke to "Mindy" this weekend on the telephone.

Mindy met and married her husband Paul approximately three years ago. While Paul had been very aware of his desire to submit to women for a very long time, he never mentioned it to Mindy during their entire courtship and even the first year of their very happy marriage. It was only when Paul discovered the Around Her Finger site ( and ended up buying Mindy some of the material that they sell on their Lulu page that Mindy learned about LFA. Mindy reacted quite positively to the material, and agreed to at least try out the dynamic of a female-led household. According to Mindy, it worked very well for several months, but soon Paul began to lose some of the enthusiasm that he demonstrated early in their new lifestyle choice.

Mindy pursued advice on the internet and ultimately decided on a course of action that went beyond the prescriptions offered by Emily Addison. It was on Elise Sutton's site ( that she first learned about more advanced topics such as strap-on play, male chastity devices, and cuckoldry. For Mindy, the male chastity device and the strap-on play ended up being an incredibly effective combination in cementing authority in their home.

Mindy has indicated that her practical experience in LFA has been remarkably similar to my own. She receives the evening massages and oral/anal worship that I also enjoy. She has also made effective use of golden showers and had some of the same initial challenges with this activity that my husband and I experienced. She has not practiced cuckoldry, and says she is quite certain she never will, but she has discussed it with her husband. It is clearly a turn-on to him, but he also prefers that it never move beyond mere fantasy. We have discussed several ways that she can extend the fantasy without ever following through on the reality.

The message of Mindy's story is that LFA is within reach for many of you that seek it in your own lives. Do not continue to live a lie by keeping these feelings from your wife. Open, share and grow in your submission. She deserves your obedience and you know you will be happier under her guidance and control.

Friday, February 17, 2006

A Storm of Disconent

I cannot say that I was surprised by the intensity of the reaction to my last post. The link unquestionably takes the viewer to material that is not in keeping with the purpose or tone of this blog. I do think, however, that many of you ignored my motivation in posting this link.

I do not for a moment suppose that the thoughtful readership of this site will benefit from the link that I posted. I was instead motivated by the notion of the reciprocal link on their site. My own husband confesses that he was a discreet consumer of femdom pornography before realizing the higher calling of true submission and service to me. I believe that many men's base instincts take them to visual and often demeaning imagery on the internet. I have something to offer these men, and I hope they will come to me find a more meaningful model of female authority.

This is not a commercial endeavor on my part. I am continually offended but increasingly less concerned with the naysayers and cynics who question not only my motives but indeed my very existence.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006


In the past, I have recommended sites such as and as good resources for aspiring male submissives. These are both sites which I very highly endorse.

However, I have been approached a number of times to participate in link exchanges with other sites. I have resisted the temptation to do so, but now have reconsidered. I believe that the reciprocal links that they offer will provide an opportunity to grow the community of active particpants in the discussion which I moderate. I have been very proud of the non-commercial nature of my blog, and wish to keep it this way for the forseeable future. If enough of you object to my participation in link exchanges, and provide good arguments to support your position, I will reconsider. For now, I am beginning my experiment with the following link:

Free Femdom tgp,
galleries and movies

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Valentines Day Plans

For valentines, my husband suggested a black-owned restaurant that we both know is frequented by young, upscale blacks. There is an adjacent club that attracts more singles than would the restaurant itself. We have never been to the club or the restaurant, but only know it by reputation. I thought it would be very fun, but our attempt to get reservations did not work out. I suppose others had the same idea.

Maybe some other time.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Does the fantasy of the black bull perpetuate a racist stereotype

Tallchisub raises a very good point in his post to my last comment. Does the fantasy of the black bull perpetuate a rascist stereotype?

I find myself becoming sexually excited by the idea of being with a black man. Is there a racist origin to my fantasy? My husband, like many submissive men with an interest in cuckolding, has very special interest in being cuckolded by a black man. Is he a racist? Is it a reflection of "white social guilt" on his part for the crimes that society has perpetuated on the black race? Does he now want to submit to humiliation by a black man to repent for this history? Is my own interest a function of the same? Is my own perception (shared by my husband) of a black man's physical superiority in sexual matters a rascist stereotype?

Do most of my submissive readers imagine white or black bulls when considering cuckold fantasies? Please comment.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Wonderful Dialogue and Some Context

I want to thank all of you have made the incredibly thoughtful posts to my last comment. I never imagined that this blog would be such a tremendous catalyst to my thinking. I encourage all of you to please continue to share your thoughts. I very much like the idea of leading a community with this blog rather than just publishing my own ideas.

I want you all to know that my husband and I have been enjoying our marriage in recent weeks in ways that I know we never could have done before the AHF dynamic began. The acceleration of that dynamic via the cuckolding experience has opened new doors into each others emotions and we are, with no doubt, closer than ever.

Last night he knelt in front of me worshipfully as he often does. I stroked my fingers through his hair and felt for maybe the first time that I was understanding him completely. His submission to me is his heart screaming a love poem to the woman he adores.

We have talked a little more about eventually re-initiating cuckolding. One of the suggestions that was made in a reader posts was to choose a man who might have less similarities to my husband than did Jim... perhaps a man of another race. This interests me greatly.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Insecurity vs. Jealousy

I have read and value the comments posted to my last entry. It is interesting to me that they have focussed on my husband's insecurity rather than his jealousy. Are they the same? To me, envy is a more primal emotion and easier to understand. I am not so certain that insecurity has the same primitive ancestory.

I genuinely believes that my husband accepts his submission, therefore he is quite secure with who he is and how he relates to me. He should also be, by now, absolutely certain that my dominance is not a fleeting interest, but a core part of my personality. Therefore, he should be secure and comfortable with our established roles in the relationship My cuckolding him reinforced his submission and therefore should only have made him more secure.

One might respond by arguing that he thinks the relationship itself is in jeopardy as a result of what happened. I dismiss this. He understands and internalizes my commitment to him. I think instead that his issues stem from the fact that on a certain level, almost an evolution-driven, chemical level, he cannot bear to see his mate with another. Intellectually he desires it, but the animal that remains in all of us will not permit it.

Perhaps I am rambling. As a rule, I try not to think out loud in this forum. However, I am still formulating by final thoughts on the topic. I am interested in more feedback from all of you.

Friday, January 20, 2006

More than Subspace

My husband did indeed receive an intense subspace experience from cuckolding. He also subsequently experienced triggered events that I described in my posts. The intiial experience, as well as the subsequent events, irrespective of his ability to continue to make use of them, were a postive outcome of cuckolding. My newfound sense of irrevocable and absolute control over my husband counts as another positive from the experience.

We are, however, dealing with some of the peripheral emotional issues that many of you on this blog and professionals such as Elise Sutton have told us to expect. My husband and I have not yet fully digested the emotional impact that the event has had on our relationship. At the core of it seems to be newfound insecurity on his part. While he does have an intellectual understanding and acceptance that I am absolutely committed and devoted to him, he has what I can only describe as very primal fears that my devotion is in jeopardy.

I will guide him through these issues and we will be more perfectly bonded as a result. Yet to omit these aftershocks from the ballad that I am unfolding would be an injustice to all of you, and that is why I mention them now.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Cuckolding: Latency Issues

Enough time has passed since cuckolding my husband that we are detached from the emotional and sexual intensity of the event. We are able to look back and truly evaluate how it has made us feel.

I had written shortly after the cuckolding occured how incredibly empowering the experience was for me. I stand by this earlier statement. However, I could not then and cannot now detach myself from the impact that the experience has had on my husband.

Initially, my husband viewed the experience in light of the intensity to which it drove him into the hypnotic, endorphin-charged state of mind that is commonly called subspace. Cuckolding, like no other activity, triggered subspace episodes that were incredibly powerful. This is undeniable, and I think that both of us, as well as many of you, anticipated this outcome. Furthermore, it provided an experiential trigger which allowed him to re- initiate the endorphin rush by consciously recalling the experience. Similarly, it allowed me to trigger this same release by either overtly referring to his cuckold status or wearing, as I have several times since that night, the special necklace that I purchased for the occasion.

My husband's journeys into subspace have represented spiritually and emotionally satisfying events for both of us, and as such, are regarded as a positive outcome of the total experience. However, as of recently, my husband has confessed that they have begun to lose their efficacy. It is both harder for him to self-trigger the state of mind, and when he does, it seems less intense.

I asked him what he felt the solution to this problem might be and whether he felt that it might involve me spending another evening with my lover. My husband was very quick to answer that he did not know the answer, but that he was not yet ready for another cuckolding experience. He was deferential and acknowledged that he would take whatever course of action I felt appropriate, but at this time he hoped I would not involve Jim. Of course I am respecting his wishes.

I think my husband and I have much to deal with after the thrill of our experience continues to dissolve into the fabric and pattern of our memories. We will continue to grow through this what has hapened, but let our current struggle to come to terms with that evening serve as a caution to all that read this blog.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Contacting Me Privately

It has come to my attention that there are some that view my blog that would like to contact me privately. I cannot promise that I will respond to each message, but I have decided to publish the following email address. I ask that you please be respectful when you contact me.

I am masking the address because I believe it will minimize the quantity of spam that I will receive. You should, however, have no trouble deciphering my code.

kath_west (at) kittymail (dotcom)

Monday, January 09, 2006

Married Men and Professional Dommes

I have often wondered if married men have found that their need to submit is sated by a visit to a professional dominatrix. Can a man truly surrender to a woman he barely knows and who he only serves for brief period of time.

Are there men out there who have explored this avenue of release and can you comment on how it did or did not satisfy your expectations?

Monday, January 02, 2006

New Year's Eve

All is not cuckolding.

My husband and I went out to dinner with a group of friends on New Year's Eve. As you know, we generally keep our lifestyle as a very private matter, and while my husband is always particularly attentive to me in public, most of our social circle would never suspect the extent to which I truly control him.

After dinner, we sat and drank wine and all became very tipsy and giddy. One of the men at the table very light-heartedly mentioned that my husband was by far the most pussy-whipped in the group and truly showed no signs of even wanting to wear the pants in our relationship. While this was a very astute observation, the comment had the potential to bring an uncomfortable moment to what was otherwise a very pleasant evening. My husband, however, good naturedly concurred with our friend's observation and ultimately opened the door to more revelations than had heretofore come to pass.

My husband confessed that I was clearly the Alpha-spouse in the home and that he would have it no other way. In fact, he went on, all marriages would be better off if men were the submissive partners in the marriage. He described how in our own home, he does the laundry, the house-cleaning and the cooking. His most important job is "chief pamperer", and he is always at my beck and call with foot rubs, massages, or whatever might please me. A this point I intervened as I thought he might be on the verge of going to far with personal details. I rubbed my hand on the back of his neck and told the group that my husband is the perfect man, and with a smile, explained that he was always rewarded for his efforts. Besides a few friendly giggles, really, nothing more was said about it that night.

Last night, I went to the mall with one of the women that we had been to dinner with on New Year's. Apparently the conversation did not pass quickly from her thoughts. She prodded me for more details and wanted to know if my marriage was really like my husband described. I did my best to deflect her questions. We will see if she brings them up again, but for now, I was not ready to share any more than had already been confessed. While I believe in this lifestyle, I realize that loving female authority - even far short of the level to which we practice it in our home - represents a powder keg of prejudices and perceptions. I am not quite sure that I am ready to have a partner in crime with a woman to whom I am so close.

Again, I will wait and see if she continues to press the matter.