Friday, April 21, 2006

Femdom "Buzz-killers"

My husband made an interesting comment to me last night. I asked him to bring me a snack from the kitchen, and when he returned, I very unconsciously thanked him. He told me that this was a real "buzz-killer" for him, and he preferred to told what to do (not asked) and receive no thanks for his service.

Generally, this is exactly what I do with him. However, in the outside world, I am conditioned to use my manners. Occasionally I will slip and use them inside the home. I found it interesting that he shared his observation that good manners are prone to take him out of subspace.

13 comments:

Owned man said...

I have felt the same effect. When Glori, early on in our relationship, would thank me, or say, "Please", I didn't get the same thrill that I got when she just pointed, and expected compliance.

PussyBoyHusband said...

I have made the same comments to Mrs. Amy! Indeed, I don't want to be treated with the respect that those manners imply. I want to be told what to do.

Queen'sKnight1 said...

The same happens with me.

oldbear said...

Hi Lady Katherine, I suppose this is another one of those issues that separates the true subs from those of us who are switches. Or perhaps it has more to do with the difference between those of us who are deferential/servile and those who find fulfillment in slavery and debasement?

While I can see the erotic potential of being treated like a slave in a D/s scene, for me 24/7 slave status is TOTALLY unappealing. I want my service to be cherished and appreciated, for me that would include thank you and please. Also for us good manners is a special part of what we are as a couple, and we have always been solicitous to each other.

BUT BUT BUT I acknowledge that in a relationship with someone else my motivation and orientation might be different, and what submissive man could resist the allure of a haughty and capricious Goddess? Regal in her indifference to his toil, moved only by flaws in his efforts, her reproach a foretaste of punishments to cleanse him of the stains of his offences.


Another very important point to remember is that for some of us "Words of Affirmation" is the single greatest way we recieve love from others. So for us WOA people a COMPLETE lack of verbal affirmation will leave our souls barren and hearts empty. For others things such as acts of service, or physical touch, or quality time, or ilittle gift may be the way they recieve (and give) love.

For more info on this powerful concept in deeeloping and understanding relationships get the book, the 5 love languages.

BTW, I would mostly be fine just having a Lady like Glori rattling her glass if she wanted a refill and I didi not notice in time. It just would not kill my buzz to hear her say please.


To each her/his own, and props to healthy marriags in all flavours. OB

Queen'sKnight1 said...

Old Bear,

One need not be in "slavery and debasement" to be a submissive. What turns me on the most is when my wife speaks to me in a sweet loving voice, and yet does so in a way in which she firmly tells me what she wants me to do.

The thing about "please" is that it makes it sound like a request that is optional for me to fulfill or not. When she lovingly "instructs" me, there is such a greater sense of her power.

Bonnie said...

A way to turn the buzz killer around is when you unconsciously thank him and notice..add a debasement straight after..you took long enough..you could of opened the pack..this often shocks the submissive back in to the right head space I use this with my play as i find my manners often creep in when i least expect it.I do not share your lifestyle but found it works in a play..and may be able to be adapted to suit your needs.

oldbear said...

Hi Qk, like I said, to each his own. I was not putting down what works for you or anyone else.

I think I understand what you are tryig to say to me, but for me a lack of manners towards me is debasement. I do acknowldege that my relationship wiht lovey is barely on the edge of what most of you consider LFA to be. So it is very different.

I also acknowledge the logic of your point that for you thank you from her implies the possibility of non-compliance .

For me, I made the decision to wait on her (and anyone else I really loved) while still a young man without so much as a girlfriend. So the thanks from her does not imply choice on my part.

Some sites suggest this problem be solved by never thanking the male, but rather telling him he did well or that he has pleased his Goddess. that would certainly work for me.

Viva le diffeence! and PAX to you all, my brothers and sisters.

jssubc said...

i feel the same way, it is a plethora of emotions to me when Mistress is indifferent to me. i want and need Her haughty arrogance. It is a vivid reminder of my position to Her. Early in our relationship i would have sulked or gone into a brat act to attract Her attention but that has since been "trained" out of me. *grins*
The reason that i think it works is that i am so absolutely sure and confident that Mistress loves me and i now know that only way to attract Her favourable attention is to please Her to perfection.
In return i found that when Mistress does take me to Her and holds and caress me, the emotional release is so incredibly strong. Truly ties that bind.
i do not mean to ramble on but this subject struck a chord with me, and while on the face of it indifference on the part of my Mistress appears cruel and uncaring i have learned to respond to Her in such a way that although She may appear distant and cold i have the ability to make Her "eyes smile"

lobovnc said...

While our relationship is far from a 24/7 and true Mistress/slave relationshp, i agree with the "buzz Killers". On the ocassions when i am afforded the priveledge of serving as Her sub, i hope and expect to be treated as such.
Hence i expect to be told, "Get Me..., it took You long enough, and such.
Please, thank you, and the ultimate sub "Buzz Killer" I am sorry, immediately send me back into my three decade nilla role of husband.
Please one in the Role.... Play the Role and maintain Character and attitude.

oldbear said...

Hi jssubc, that was beautiful man.

sub hubbie said...

If the relationship is one of authority on your part and submission on his, then it seems to me that if you choose to thank him, or behave in any other way, it is not within his remit to critique you for doing so.
You are either in charge, and he in submission to you, or not.
If he lives in 100% submisssion to you, he would unquestioningly respect your decision to be polite.
Easier said than done I agree. But anything else is topping from the bottom.

SubDisposition said...

Lady Katherine,

Being civil and being dominant need to be mutually exclusive.

Perhaps you could simply take the tone of:
"Thank you slave"
"slave - please bring me x now"
"Thank you...your such a good bitch"

Umberto said...

To each Her or his own...

No matter whether my Queen addresses me graciously or harshly, i am always Her slave and i make sure to reaffirm that often in words and deeds. If She thanks me or praises me, i am aglow with Her love and appreciate it. If she scolds me or ignores me i am happy in submitting and serving Her on her terms. That is my buzz... She has no duty to eithe praise, thank or beat me down, only the right always to express what She feel i the moment and call on me to give all of myself in each moment. i do not labor for Her praise, or dare to provoke Her for an artificial masochistic thrill...i simply want to be there, and aware for Her, and treasure all the She gives me -- for it always has been my joy....