Sunday, July 31, 2005

My Pleasure is his Pleasure

The title of this post is certainly a topic that I have touched upon. It is simple and perfect and absolutely true. For my adoring husband, nothing brings him greater pleasure than the act of selflessly pleasing me.

This begins with the gratification he takes from absolving me of my domestic responsibilities. I am now a woman of leisure, my only real efforts are put towards those things that I enjoy such as working out, gardening, visiting with friends and (now) writing this blog. His job is fulfilling in a new way in that it provides us the financial means to live the lifestyle I have come accustomed to living. I control all of the income from his job, as I control everything else in our marriage.

Domestic and financial resources already focussed on my pleasure, it is a natural that he should also take great pleasure in pleasing me physically. Most every evening has me naked and laid out on a professional massage table. I am surrounded by candles and treated to soothing music of my choosing. He then practices a variety of wonderful massage techniques on me. We have a very clear understanding that I am not to be shortchanged on the massages. They never last less than one hour, at the conclusion of which, he is permitted to service me in more intimate ways.

He very often positions a pillow under my waist allowing him easy access to my bottom. He then will spend a great deal of time tonguing and licking my asshole in what I have previously described as the perfect physical metaphor for our relationship. He has confessed that this activity as much as anything else brings him into "subspace", that psychological netherworld where his submission to me overwhelms him and completely fulfills him in the way he always dreamt that it could. I will then either have him move his tongue from my ass to my clitoris so that he can focus on my orgasm, or alternatively, have him use a vibrating dildo on me while he continues to rim me. Either way, we both get exactly what we want from the evening's activities.

The Power of Managing His Orgasms

I think that perhaps the single most effective tool I have for managing the intensity of his submission to me is orgasm denial. Much has been written on this subject, but I want to make a few points which I feel have been under-emphasized in the majority of the writings I have seen on the topic.

The first point is that I very much believe that the ritual of the orgasm denial is more important than the denial itself. He must know that you are in control of his orgasms and that you are manipulating them to intensify his submission. Secondly, there must be some tangible and physical reminder of your control over his orgasm. For many, this is a chastity device such as the CB 2000, CB 3000 or the Curve. In our case, I wear a ring on the pinky finger of my left hand. If I remove the ring, he is permitted to orgasm the next time we are intimate. This is not something we discuss, it is something that goes unspoken. When I'm not wearing the ring he knows that while he will still be expected to serve me orally prior to intercourse, he also knows that he may consumate his intercourse by ejaculating inside of me . Although some dominant wives never permit this, I must admit that I absolutly LOVE this feeling. Afterwards he is expected to clean me out orally, which is a nice way of getting him right back into the submissive mindset.

Finally, he must also be teased while denied. In my case there is nothing more pleasurable than having him go down on me, orally and anally, knowing that I will receive physical pleasure, and he will not. (The rimming is particularly satisfying to me because it seems like such a wonderful metaphor for complete dominance over him. This will ultimatley be the subject of its own post.) Of course he receives a spiritual and emotional pleasure from pleasing me which no physical pleasure could ever match, but the denial of a climax on his part ALWAYS results in a deepened desire on his part to serve me.

Saturday, July 30, 2005

Initial Experiences

I gave the idea of whether or not I wanted to introduce femdom into my marriage a great deal of consideration before agreeing to give it a try. There was certainly a great appeal to the idea of doing little or no housework, to having my physical pleasure becoming a priority in his life, and to ending the charade of negotiating compromises on every little decision in the home (I'd get control of that remote once and for all!). That said, I had no desire to be married to a slave. Even if our marriage wasn't perfect, I loved and respected my husband very much, and wanted nothing to change from that perspective (and rest assured, it has not).

In the earliest days of our own experience with a female led household, we definately suffered through a learning curve. For one thing, he was attempting to do too much too soon. It was a pace he simply could not maintain. Also, while I was getting everything I wanted, he wasn't getting what he needed. I was sitting back and relaxing as he did everything for me, but I wasn't making the gestures that formalize and reinforce my authority that were and still are so important to him. I needed to have that conversation that the Addison's talk about where I made it clear to him that I'm in charge and I expect him to obey me. What's more, I had to keep reinforcing the pecking order with him. He wanted to be reminded that I was in charge.

While this finally clicked with me, it created awkward consequences. Quite frankly, I felt uncomfortable with my authority. I equated his submission and my dominance not with the expressions of love for each other that they are, but rather with the a revised sense of respect for our roles in the relationship. In other words, the more I told him what to do... the less it seemed to me that he should be respecting himself.

What I have come to learn and accept is that his submission to me fulfills him in a way that nothing else can. It is a pure, intense and genuine demonstration of his love for me. Likewise, my dominance is the same for him. This new understanding has allowed me to escalate the activities in which we participate and enjoy every new stepping stone in our journey.

Friday, July 29, 2005

Welcome to My Blog

My husband and I are the happiest couple I know, but it wasn't always this way. The first ten years of our marriage were relatively happy, but they were nothing like the years that have passed since we stumbled onto the idea of loving female authority. My husband and I now share a sense of both emotional and physical intimacy that simply did not exist in our relationship when we both shared the title of "head of household" in our marriage. Both of our lives have been so dramatically improved by his surrender to my authority, that I now feel compelled to share our experience with others.

Like so many men, my husband has always know that submission to women represented at the very least a sexual turn-on for him, and at best, as he now believes whole-heartedly, the key to his happiness. His first introduction to very thoughtful discussion on this topic was Elise Sutton's site. He spent a very long time reading all the advice and stories that Elise posted on her site, but still never developed the courage to approach me regarding his feelings.

One day I came into the room while he was looking at her site, and in a very awkward moment, he was forced to confess what he was reading. In his defense, not wanting to share the site with me was perfectly understandable. The Elise Sutton material was not necessarily Wife-Worship 101. While she is an amazing woman that artfully articulates the majesty of a man's submission to a woman, she also goes into advanced femdom topics that I was quite frankly in no way prepared to read. Elise deals intelligently and forthrightly with topics such as cuckolding, golden showers and strap-on- play. These are all worthy topics of discussion and the subject of future posts, but they were not exactly entry-level material for a woman that did not even realize her husband was submissive. Perhaps Lady Misato's Real Women Don't Do Housework site would have been a better first cut at femdom, but even Lady Misato discusses strap-on-play in some detail. To my knowledge, the more vanilla sites attempting to maintream the wife-led household, of which Emily (and her husband Ken) Addison's site is probably the best known, did not exist at the time.

So my introduction of my husband's submission was mostly his trying to convince me that he did not desire to be a cuckold husband, did not want to swallow my urine, and did not want me to emasculate and humiliate him with a large rubber phallus. We have since revisited his thoughts on each of these topics, but suffice it to say on that very fateful day, he was intent on convincing me first and foremost that he merely wanted to surrender his final say on household decisions to my authority, and wanted to focus his every spare bit of energy on my pleasure and happiness.

Today, we love each other and express our love for each other in ways that were never possible before. He is completely submissive to me, but other than the two of us, nobody knows it. (My name in my profile is fictitious to protect our privacy.) He does everything I expect of him including household chores, pedicures, and massages. Despite the fact that he is the primary breadwinner, I run the household finances and give him a very reasonable allowance. He never questions my authority, although he is sometimes lax in his duties. For this, I only need to firmly remind him of my expectatoins. I orgasm every time we are intimate. He is kept in male chastity so that his orgasms are carefully managed to maintain his enthusiasm and his energy level.Future posts will explore various dimensions of our relationship and pose a number of questions for discussion that I think will be interesting to the community.

To all, feel free to ask me anything and please, if you enjoy this site, make others aware of it.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005