Friday, August 19, 2005

Mainstreaming the Wife-led Household

I would imagine that the community of couples participating in relationships where both woman and man openly acknowledge her dominance is very small. I would be relatively certain that it is fewer than 5,000 households, maybe fewer than 1,000 (please challenge me on this if you have evidence to the contrary). However, I believe that the number of households is enormous where 1) the man is a closet submissive and would LOVE to be controlled by his wife, and 2) the wife would be open to the idea if it were appropriately presented to her.

I am certain that this blog is not particularly helpful to drive a movement of mainstreaming the femdom relationship. I have already crossed barriers in sharing my own experiences that detract from the poignancy of an initial introduction.

I think the two key selling points for a woman are that first and foremost, submission is an expression of a man's love for his wife. Men have trouble expressing themselves. My husband's submission to me is love just as my nurturing of his submission is also love. The second selling point is that it will make a woman's life more comfortable. He works hard to keep me happy. In doing so, it makes him happy. Incidentlally, his happiness is not beside the point.

I have rambled even though I try to avoid doing so in this blog. Anyone that chooses to build on these points and/or can offer suggestions for mainstreaming femdom, please do so.


Quiet guy said...

Hi - as always thanks for your very sincere post.

You commented that the help in doing the housework is a major factor to women, in trying out this way of life.

I'm still having trouble fully believing this. Whenever I mention to my wife or any other women that they could use a man who would do at least 51% of the housework, they always say that would be great. Unfortunately, in reality they seem to just accept the fact that they are responsible for 75 to 80% of the housework and any attempt by the hubby to help is really met with resistance.

It is this resistance which makes me, for one, hesitant to tell my wife that I am submissive.

Any thoughts on this?

Henry Nelggs said...


Thanks for the nice message on my blog. I think your relationship is a touch more intense then mine, but I find your entries tremendously thoughtful. I'm not posting that often, but look forward to any comments you have on my entries.


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Blogging Blogging Queen said...

Being the coolest guy on the planet, when I say you have a knack for writing, it's not to be taken lightly! Keep up the great work. Other planetary "cool guys" like myself do actually read these things!

Kind regards,
Sam Freedom
The Coolest Guy on the Planet

Sam Freedom said...

Hey, I'm keeping it respectful, but I find this just plain wrong. I mean, in America, people can do what they want, and especially if you are two consenting adults who are enjoying yourselves, but intrinsically, I find this just very wrong.

I'll admit that men often abuse their power and some of them aren't fit to wield it because of that, so maybe this arrangement works best in those situations, but as something mainstream, I just have to say, again, this is very hard to digest.

But I respect your right to express yourselves this way.


Just Me said...

Dear Ms. West,
Your blog is delightful. It is a lovely relationship, caring and happy that you describe, and i also share that. Your husband is a lucky man, as many submissive males would gladly trade places given the chance.
On my blog, which will reflect the opposite side of the coin, so to speak, i will offer my experience on how to convince one's partner to accept and enjoy the gift of submission, and also offer tips on performing chores that will please her. Please visit me at which you have inspired.
Your fan,
just me

femdomfan said...

Being a submissive male in a female authoritarian relationship has nothing to do with the distribution of household responsibilities. It is about beliefs, attitudes, and being true to who you are. My wife leads the household and leads me. One day, I realized that as the leader, she defines what a wife-led relationship is for us. Her ideas weren't what I had hoped. But to be really true to my submissiveness and to my committment to wife-leadership, I had to accept her decisions about this as much as I accept her decisions about other matters.

She is kind and loving and not as dominant or directive as I would like. She still has difficulty accepting my desire to server her. She has been changing though, and seems to be happier as she has come to realize that she can make a decision and expect it to be supported by me. I try to never disagree with her in front of other people. We do discuss many things in private and she does listen to my ideas before making her decision.

I believe that I am truly happier in a submissive role and also believe that she is truly a dominant personality. It is taking time for her to discover the full meaning of being dominant, just as it is taking time for me to discover the full meaning of being submissive. Her thinking is that I have farther to travel in reaching true submissiveness than she does in reaching full dominance. In her opinion, she has been implicitly dominant from the very beginning of our marriage 22 years ago. It is I who only recently realized that I am happiest in submissiveness.

The turning point was when we openly began to talk about and accept our roles. These discussions continue as we are still defining our D/s relationship. So far, I think we are both much happier. I am at a point where I am willing to tell others about our relationship and how it has made such a positive change in our lives.

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atomictartan said...

I think that in our society women are the dominant ones. This has changed greatly since the fifties.

How many times I have said " long as I do what she says..." and I am met with almost applause by other couples.

Marketing is geared toward women making all big purchases in the marriage. Even boats are designed to appeal to the women...

Woman are making money and often make more then their spouse. As far as I can see women run the show in many marriages. The main problem that I see is that men cant find their sexual role. These dominant women still want to be submissive sexually, and only then.. How confused us men are..