Insecurity vs. Jealousy

I have read and value the comments posted to my last entry. It is interesting to me that they have focussed on my husband's insecurity rather than his jealousy. Are they the same? To me, envy is a more primal emotion and easier to understand. I am not so certain that insecurity has the same primitive ancestory.

I genuinely believes that my husband accepts his submission, therefore he is quite secure with who he is and how he relates to me. He should also be, by now, absolutely certain that my dominance is not a fleeting interest, but a core part of my personality. Therefore, he should be secure and comfortable with our established roles in the relationship My cuckolding him reinforced his submission and therefore should only have made him more secure.

One might respond by arguing that he thinks the relationship itself is in jeopardy as a result of what happened. I dismiss this. He understands and internalizes my commitment to him. I think instead that his issues stem from the fact that on a certain level, almost an evolution-driven, chemical level, he cannot bear to see his mate with another. Intellectually he desires it, but the animal that remains in all of us will not permit it.

Perhaps I am rambling. As a rule, I try not to think out loud in this forum. However, I am still formulating by final thoughts on the topic. I am interested in more feedback from all of you.

More than Subspace

My husband did indeed receive an intense subspace experience from cuckolding. He also subsequently experienced triggered events that I described in my posts. The intiial experience, as well as the subsequent events, irrespective of his ability to continue to make use of them, were a postive outcome of cuckolding. My newfound sense of irrevocable and absolute control over my husband counts as another positive from the experience.

We are, however, dealing with some of the peripheral emotional issues that many of you on this blog and professionals such as Elise Sutton have told us to expect. My husband and I have not yet fully digested the emotional impact that the event has had on our relationship. At the core of it seems to be newfound insecurity on his part. While he does have an intellectual understanding and acceptance that I am absolutely committed and devoted to him, he has what I can only describe as very primal fears that my devotion is in jeopardy.

I will guide him through these issues and we will be more perfectly bonded as a result. Yet to omit these aftershocks from the ballad that I am unfolding would be an injustice to all of you, and that is why I mention them now.

Cuckolding: Latency Issues

Enough time has passed since cuckolding my husband that we are detached from the emotional and sexual intensity of the event. We are able to look back and truly evaluate how it has made us feel.

I had written shortly after the cuckolding occured how incredibly empowering the experience was for me. I stand by this earlier statement. However, I could not then and cannot now detach myself from the impact that the experience has had on my husband.

Initially, my husband viewed the experience in light of the intensity to which it drove him into the hypnotic, endorphin-charged state of mind that is commonly called subspace. Cuckolding, like no other activity, triggered subspace episodes that were incredibly powerful. This is undeniable, and I think that both of us, as well as many of you, anticipated this outcome. Furthermore, it provided an experiential trigger which allowed him to re- initiate the endorphin rush by consciously recalling the experience. Similarly, it allowed me to trigger this same release by either overtly referring to his cuckold status or wearing, as I have several times since that night, the special necklace that I purchased for the occasion.

My husband's journeys into subspace have represented spiritually and emotionally satisfying events for both of us, and as such, are regarded as a positive outcome of the total experience. However, as of recently, my husband has confessed that they have begun to lose their efficacy. It is both harder for him to self-trigger the state of mind, and when he does, it seems less intense.

I asked him what he felt the solution to this problem might be and whether he felt that it might involve me spending another evening with my lover. My husband was very quick to answer that he did not know the answer, but that he was not yet ready for another cuckolding experience. He was deferential and acknowledged that he would take whatever course of action I felt appropriate, but at this time he hoped I would not involve Jim. Of course I am respecting his wishes.

I think my husband and I have much to deal with after the thrill of our experience continues to dissolve into the fabric and pattern of our memories. We will continue to grow through this what has hapened, but let our current struggle to come to terms with that evening serve as a caution to all that read this blog.

Contacting Me Privately

It has come to my attention that there are some that view my blog that would like to contact me privately. I cannot promise that I will respond to each message, but I have decided to publish the following email address. I ask that you please be respectful when you contact me.

I am masking the address because I believe it will minimize the quantity of spam that I will receive. You should, however, have no trouble deciphering my code.

kath_west (at) kittymail (dotcom)

Married Men and Professional Dommes

I have often wondered if married men have found that their need to submit is sated by a visit to a professional dominatrix. Can a man truly surrender to a woman he barely knows and who he only serves for brief period of time.

Are there men out there who have explored this avenue of release and can you comment on how it did or did not satisfy your expectations?

New Year's Eve

All is not cuckolding.

My husband and I went out to dinner with a group of friends on New Year's Eve. As you know, we generally keep our lifestyle as a very private matter, and while my husband is always particularly attentive to me in public, most of our social circle would never suspect the extent to which I truly control him.

After dinner, we sat and drank wine and all became very tipsy and giddy. One of the men at the table very light-heartedly mentioned that my husband was by far the most pussy-whipped in the group and truly showed no signs of even wanting to wear the pants in our relationship. While this was a very astute observation, the comment had the potential to bring an uncomfortable moment to what was otherwise a very pleasant evening. My husband, however, good naturedly concurred with our friend's observation and ultimately opened the door to more revelations than had heretofore come to pass.

My husband confessed that I was clearly the Alpha-spouse in the home and that he would have it no other way. In fact, he went on, all marriages would be better off if men were the submissive partners in the marriage. He described how in our own home, he does the laundry, the house-cleaning and the cooking. His most important job is "chief pamperer", and he is always at my beck and call with foot rubs, massages, or whatever might please me. A this point I intervened as I thought he might be on the verge of going to far with personal details. I rubbed my hand on the back of his neck and told the group that my husband is the perfect man, and with a smile, explained that he was always rewarded for his efforts. Besides a few friendly giggles, really, nothing more was said about it that night.

Last night, I went to the mall with one of the women that we had been to dinner with on New Year's. Apparently the conversation did not pass quickly from her thoughts. She prodded me for more details and wanted to know if my marriage was really like my husband described. I did my best to deflect her questions. We will see if she brings them up again, but for now, I was not ready to share any more than had already been confessed. While I believe in this lifestyle, I realize that loving female authority - even far short of the level to which we practice it in our home - represents a powder keg of prejudices and perceptions. I am not quite sure that I am ready to have a partner in crime with a woman to whom I am so close.

Again, I will wait and see if she continues to press the matter.