Saturday, July 30, 2005

Initial Experiences

I gave the idea of whether or not I wanted to introduce femdom into my marriage a great deal of consideration before agreeing to give it a try. There was certainly a great appeal to the idea of doing little or no housework, to having my physical pleasure becoming a priority in his life, and to ending the charade of negotiating compromises on every little decision in the home (I'd get control of that remote once and for all!). That said, I had no desire to be married to a slave. Even if our marriage wasn't perfect, I loved and respected my husband very much, and wanted nothing to change from that perspective (and rest assured, it has not).

In the earliest days of our own experience with a female led household, we definately suffered through a learning curve. For one thing, he was attempting to do too much too soon. It was a pace he simply could not maintain. Also, while I was getting everything I wanted, he wasn't getting what he needed. I was sitting back and relaxing as he did everything for me, but I wasn't making the gestures that formalize and reinforce my authority that were and still are so important to him. I needed to have that conversation that the Addison's talk about where I made it clear to him that I'm in charge and I expect him to obey me. What's more, I had to keep reinforcing the pecking order with him. He wanted to be reminded that I was in charge.

While this finally clicked with me, it created awkward consequences. Quite frankly, I felt uncomfortable with my authority. I equated his submission and my dominance not with the expressions of love for each other that they are, but rather with the a revised sense of respect for our roles in the relationship. In other words, the more I told him what to do... the less it seemed to me that he should be respecting himself.

What I have come to learn and accept is that his submission to me fulfills him in a way that nothing else can. It is a pure, intense and genuine demonstration of his love for me. Likewise, my dominance is the same for him. This new understanding has allowed me to escalate the activities in which we participate and enjoy every new stepping stone in our journey.

1 comment:

cuckoldress said...

It is very complicated being involved in this type of relationship. I relate very much to your last paragraph, you nailed it pretty much when you say it is a way your husband shows his love for you. I guess that is where we are with it right now. We argue about his needs all the time, and how he needs me to help him have his release, his ultimate need to submit, be denied, be sissified, feminized, and all the other things that go along with cuckolding. I've have met with a possible bull, who is familiar with this lifestyle and is into this as well.....(and let me tell you, I was so turned on and wanted to have sex with this bull right there in the restaurant..lol..anyways,so we are very well read and am still on that long(sometimes)frusturating, learning curve, I have enjoyed most of the previous messages and posts on your blog, and I agree with another comment, that this is a great site, and I have read ALOT and this one rocks! :) Keep up your messages......cheers