I have read and value the comments posted to my last entry. It is interesting to me that they have focussed on my husband's insecurity rather than his jealousy. Are they the same? To me, envy is a more primal emotion and easier to understand. I am not so certain that insecurity has the same primitive ancestory.
I genuinely believes that my husband accepts his submission, therefore he is quite secure with who he is and how he relates to me. He should also be, by now, absolutely certain that my dominance is not a fleeting interest, but a core part of my personality. Therefore, he should be secure and comfortable with our established roles in the relationship My cuckolding him reinforced his submission and therefore should only have made him more secure.
One might respond by arguing that he thinks the relationship itself is in jeopardy as a result of what happened. I dismiss this. He understands and internalizes my commitment to him. I think instead that his issues stem from the fact that on a certain level, almost an evolution-driven, chemical level, he cannot bear to see his mate with another. Intellectually he desires it, but the animal that remains in all of us will not permit it.
Perhaps I am rambling. As a rule, I try not to think out loud in this forum. However, I am still formulating by final thoughts on the topic. I am interested in more feedback from all of you.
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5 comments:
Lady Katherine,
You've hit the nail right on the head. This instinct is in most men. For a man being cuckolded by his wife, it will arise as a form of jealousy, which certainly intensifies the experience. Jealousy, however, can lead to an unconscious sense of insecurity. Common sense and rationality don't come into play when these feelings arise. A man also can't stop these feelings from coming up, no matter how much he knows that his wife loves him. It's a difficult situation for both of you, but you are certainly working through the issues.
Security and trust are often taken as a given, until they are put at risk. Once at risk it is human nature to begin thinking of the consequences of their loss. Are there realities that bind you and your husband together? In my own desire to be a cuckold I wonder if it is not the fact that I have a very successful career and that my wife and I are completely dedicated to our children that gives me the confidence to suggest that my wife cuckold me. The realities that bind us together may provide a layer of security that transcends vows. I wonder if my feelings would be the same if we had no children and it was she who had the Wall Street career.
I think there are a couple of possibilities.
Your husband could feel that he is responsible for leading you to an infidelity that you did not originally desire. While intellectually, both of you acknowledge your right to intimacy with any man you wish, he may deep within himself feel a guilt that you did not really want this and that he is responsible for leading you here. And, then again,this may not be the case at all.
Another possibility is that he is unsettled by seeing Jim as dominant over you. Your husband cherishes your dominance, and yet Jim apparently was allowed to take you in missionary position. The founder of Club Fem in Houston, Mistress Dee, now cuckolds her husband gene, keeping him in permanent chastity. All of her sexual needs are met by a younger slave, however this other slave is very dominated by Mistress Dee. Perhaps if your husband saw you dominating the bull, he would feel more secure. In allowing Jim intimacy without submission to you, your husband may somewhere inside fear that you want a man who is your equal or even dominant to you. He knows that he can never live in that role and the image of Jim, being intimate with you yet not submissive to you, may unsettle him. If he were to see you unquestionably dominating another male sexually, it is possible that this would portray you in his eyes as the powerful and unconquerable Goddess he wants you to be. The other male would represent nothing more than a toy whom you are using then discarding, rather than a potential rival who may win your heart away from him.
Some possibilities for future cuckolding might be always to choose a different bull; your husband would begin to see bulls as just toys whom you use then discard rather than someone to whom you might potentially become more and more attached. Possibly choose bulls much older or younger, racially different, men whom he would see as less likely to steal your heart away. You might just engage in petting with the next bull, denying him intimacy and even orgasm or ordering him to masturbate for your pleasure. This would reinforce your power in the eyes of your husband and not carry quite the full impact of seeing you in intercourse. And finally, by seeing you thoroughly dominate the other male, your husband knows that your heart is strong willed and not likely to be stolen away by some man who seems possibly to have the potential to woo you. After several episodes like this, he may become less threatned when you allow a bull to take you in missionary position. Most likely, you do not want him to get to the point that he just sees you as his Hot Wife as there would no longer be the sub-space impact, but rather a small degree of sensitization may just get him through this.
Maybe I'm missing something, but being cuckolded by your wife, or girlfriend, is not an entirely positive, or even pleasant, experience for the submissive male. It's not supposed to be. It's certainly nice if the husband gets aroused at the thought of his wife sleeping with another man, but when a Dominant woman cuckolds her husband, it's usually done for two very important reasons. One is for her own sexual pleasure and two is to take her husband into a deeper form of subspace. Of course a submissive man is going to be filled with different emotions about this. It's only natural. At one moment, he may find himself brimming with sexual excitement, then during another, he may feel a sense of insecurity and even jealousy at the thought of another man being intimate with his wife. There's nothing wrong with feeling these emotions. It's the woman, however, who makes the final decision with regards to continuing with the cuckoldry. She may take her husband's feeling into consideration, but in the end, it's about what she wants to do. If Dominant wife derives a great deal of pleasure from the experience, then she may want to continue cuckolding her husband, while allowing her submissive to gradually work through the mixed emotions. Keep in mind that when a submissive is being whipped for punishment, he usually doesn't enjoy it, but that doesn't stop the Mistress from doing it. She making a point about her control over him and his obedience to her. It's the same with cuckolding, but on a slightly different level. The wife is using cuckoldry to take her husband to a brand new level of submission. He may not enjoy it, but it is the choice of the Mistress. If a Mistress truly wants to do something in particular, the submissive can't be topping from below by trying to control her actions through a combination of insecurity and jealousy. Any Dominant/submissive relationship will push some of the buttons on a submissive male as he seeks to serve his Goddess with total devotion and love. Not everything will be enjoyable to him. Still, when you agree to serve a Dominant woman, you have to be willing to accept the many challenges that will certainly come your way. There's nothing easy about being a submissive male. A Goddess will automatically search out the things that disturb her submissive the most and then make him do those very things to teach him the meaning of servitude and obedience. Cuckoldry is simply one way in which this is done. One last thing, this isn't directed at Lady Katherine's husband, but rather to other submissive men so that they may understand why cuckoldry can be important in a D/s relationship.
Lady Katherine,
Wayne makes a good point by saying that being cuckolded by your wife is not an entirely positive, or even pleasant, experience for the submissive male.
However, it's not supposed to be "about" the submissive male, it's about You. i would rather not be cuckolded, but as a submissive man, i want Her to feel in control. This means i recognize that She has final say this and every other matter, and i need to communicate this to Her by every deed, action, and word spoken. If She isn't comfortable with cuckolding because She thinks it will disturb me, then i haven't been as good at expressing myself as i hoped. LFA means never having to say Your sorry, as long as Your the Female, lol.
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