I think there are many theories as to why men become submissive, but little evidence beyond anecdotal accounts.
I think the standard explanation of men who have great responsibilities at work and merely want to relinquish control to another is pure poppycock. There are many submissive men that do not have high-powered careers, yet still crave loving female authority. Also, there are many very succesful men that are overwhelmed by responsibility, yet have not the slightest notion of taking pleasure from a woman that takes them with a strap-on.
My own husband describes how he was aware of his submission very early in his life, even before he reached the age of puberty. This would tend to support the idea that submission is innate in some men. This may be the case, and the idea that it is the natural evolution of human gender relationships taking shape has incredible appeal to me. However, I have seen nothing that would tend to prove this through empirical data. Maybe it cannot be proven through empirical data.
I welcome your thoughts and would really welcome evidence to support them.
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Thank you for your comments men! Your comments have helped me understand the pathology that you have developed by illustrating the abuse by females in your early development. Which is compounded by lack of a father figure and sole female authority figures in school.
There is indeed quite a pattern here and your comments are greatly helpful for those in the psychological community to understand how modern society and Feminist Party doctrine has caused great damage to our society. Thank you again. Men's Rights Activists and the growing Men's Rights Movement are working on what is being called "The Boy Crisis" and other issues caused by the Feminist Party.
Hello I am not over 40 and I didn't have a controlling mother.
I have always been sexually submissive. Just like Redleg from a very early age I always wanted girls to bully me, boss me around or capture me.
I always got aroused by it.
I remember when I was very young being read a story about a boy being bullied at school by a girl and I would dream about it. Want it to happen.
I would be cheeky to girls in the hope that they would bully me. I was a small boy and occasionally girls would take the bait and easily bully me. I loved that feeling so much. A mental feeling of belonging with an exiting tingling in my belly and sexual excitement.
I also had my first sexual experiences being wrestled into submission by other boys.
As I grew up I lost interest in guys as they sprouted hair and muscles but that submissive streak wouldn't go away.
I find masculinity a turn off and the irony is I actually find feminine sexuality boring and predictable. Also I always feel I have to hide my submissive sexuality and be like a normal guy so vanilla relationships actually scare me. There is a pressure to conform and perform sexually.
As girls hit puberty they tend to lose that playful bossy, rough and tumble tomboy streak.
As girls developed into women they seemed to lose their edge physically. They lose the ability to assert themselves over guys with their bodies and this is what my heart and mind desires most.
As I got stronger physically the athletic girls became soft and feminine. They started to take on the submissive role around guys. To conform to societies norms, wanting to be pursued and to feel sexy when I wanted to be hunted by them and to feel all sexy and vulnerable. The reality of adult female sexuality and my deeply rooted sexuality didn't match and still don't.
In my adult life I have tried to be a normal guy who can assume the typical male role but it feels awkward and unfullfilling.
I have been on the BDSM scene for years but it is a bit of a cul de sac for me.
It's mostly pro dommes or women looking for a public play sub (no sex) or domestic servant not a sexual loving relationship. Many of the dominant women I have met take vanilla lovers or dominant men as their partners. Sub men are just convenient playthings.
Also I desire a woman who's physical presence overshadows mine, taller and stronger, not fat or out of shape. I like muscle women but they tend to go with even bigger muscle guys and be vanilla to boot.
Most women are not naturally strong and find men that are shorter than them unattractive.
Also I am only submissive sexually and hardly any dominant women want a sub who's submission doesn't go beyond the bedroom.
So I have been on the shelf for most of my life and I'm still looking for that towering athletic amazon with a kinky sexually dominant streak.
I think it must have something to do with my testosterone levels because I am not aggressive in any way shape or form. I was always awful at sports and scared of heights and terrified of fighting.
When other boys were playing football, fighting and climbing trees I was steering clear of confrontations and being quiet.
I'm really interested in the psychology of male submissives but all the literature that concerns us is written by pro Dommes or people involved in the BDSM scene with all it's limiting protocol and rules.
There doesn't seem to be any Independent scientific research written by mental health professionals.
Submissive male sexuality seems to be a totally neglected phenomenon.
Does anyone know of any serious research about the submissive male psyche?
I would like to know why I am like I am and if I can change it because women wont suddenly become athletic dominant and kinky and after nearly 20 years of looking I have not had any luck.
Heavy Hitta - I am a 20 year old in a similar situation, and I would like to say that your words hit home. You did an excellent job describing the conflicted psyche of the submissive male- I couldn't have said it better myself. I also sincerely wish there was more research on the subject, as it is of great personal interest (for obvious reasons).
45 I'm just discovering this about myself I haven't been there all along. my therapist has helped me understand this much better through guided imagery.
1 thing we cannot be submissive about is educating the women. must be willing to expand understanding that begins with just simply being honest about what we want and need emotionally. I don't believe any of us want to turn someone on just so she can spend her affection on someone else. happiness in being submissive means honest expression of our true desires and the fulfillment there of.
being able to go through guided imagery in therapy with a female therapist has been extremely beneficial to me.
understanding where the desire stem from and embrace without guilt or shame allows me now to see how limited the bdsm world actually it is.
what could be more honest submissive than being honest with yourself.
honest expression the only thing that can lead to fulfillment of pleasure.
My therapist was even bold enough to share her feelings about it.
Through guided imagery she found loving submissiveness to be 1 of the most erotic feelings she has ever experienced.
honesty and vulnerability are extremely sexy.
45 I'm just discovering this about myself I haven't been there all along. my therapist has helped me understand this much better through guided imagery.
1 thing we cannot be submissive about is educating the women. must be willing to expand understanding that begins with just simply being honest about what we want and need emotionally. I don't believe any of us want to turn someone on just so she can spend her affection on someone else. happiness in being submissive means honest expression of our true desires and the fulfillment there of.
being able to go through guided imagery in therapy with a female therapist has been extremely beneficial to me.
understanding where the desire stem from and embrace without guilt or shame allows me now to see how limited the bdsm world actually it is.
what could be more honest submissive than being honest with yourself.
honest expression the only thing that can lead to fulfillment of pleasure.
My therapist was even bold enough to share her feelings about it.
Through guided imagery she found loving submissiveness to be 1 of the most erotic feelings she has ever experienced.
honesty and vulnerability are extremely sexy.
Thank you very much all for the comments. I learnt a lot by reading them. I'm a 28 year old female. I have been thinking whole my life that I'm a submissive. Recently, my boyfriend has shown me signs of submissiveness (he likes to be used and abused). I had fantasies of dominating him but I've never told them to him. On the other hand, he was responding great to my desire and fantasies about being beaten and being submissive to him. I'm confused, I think I want to be in both roles. But I'm not sure if that's the case for him. Is it possible for him to be a switch? Or anyone is either submissive or dominant. One more thing, as much as I like that dominant role in the bed, I don't like it outside. I mean I'm not a bossy person at all.
Thank you very much all for the comments. I learnt a lot by reading them. I'm a 28 year old female. I have been thinking whole my life that I'm a submissive. Recently, my boyfriend has shown me signs of submissiveness (he likes to be used and abused). I had fantasies of dominating him but I've never told them to him. On the other hand, he was responding great to my desire and fantasies about being beaten and being submissive to him. I'm confused, I think I want to be in both roles. But I'm not sure if that's the case for him. Is it possible for him to be a switch? Or anyone is either submissive or dominant. One more thing, as much as I like that dominant role in the bed, I don't like it outside. I mean I'm not a bossy person at all.And I like to cook for the person I love, I even like washing his clothes...
Hey I'm a 32 year old man with a 24 yo girlfriend. She loves being dominated and wants me to user her in any way I want, she calls me Daddy, she gets crazy excited just at the sight of my cock. But as great as that is, I can't help but think about how much I would love a woman to be holding my balls and whispering into my ear that it's she who decides when I will cum, and despite all my power I become her willing servant.
I haven't figured out how to get that to happen yet. Most girls end up submitting to me, but I know how I really want it to end up going. Trying to turn them onto it is slow and is a skill unto itself. And scary. Part of it is that I don't want to feel like I'm the one making it happen, the whole point is that it's someone else's will overcoming your own in a sexual way.
I'm under 35 and I've been submissive ever since hitting puberty. In Highschool I was a wrestler. I was in the advanced classes as well, but I spent most of my time in the wrestling room brawling with the seniors around my weight. I was somewhat submissive to all of the girls that I was friends with, but that was more of me just being nice than anything else. The one girl I had a crush on for most of high school, but never had the guts to ask her out, I was incredibly submissive towards. All I could think about was making her happy.
I grew up with both of my parents, hetreosexual with my dad working a 100K+ a year job and mom being a stay-at-home mom. I was only bullied in elemantary school, but I didn't realize it then or really care. I didn't care what other people thought of me until I started to have a crush on the girl mentioned above.
I'm a 21 year old submissive male and I've always known I was this way. From a young age I can remember being confused about it. I'd get really aroused whenever a girl was really forceful and bossy with me. I loved it whenever they'd grab me or yell at me and I'd remember thinking that this was supposed to be how girls felt about boys, not the other way around. But I couldn't help myself. I've always been very mellow, avoided confrontation, never really into sports or anything like that. I've always dreamed of a strong woman coming along to take control from me and lead me sexually. But unlike a lot of the stories I'm seeing in these comments, I never had a very strong female presence in my life. I grew up in the care of my father from an early age. My mother wasn't around all that much. I've never seen a therapist or anything but its my personal theory that its this lack of a mother figure that leads me to pursue a commanding female presence. At any rate though, its hard for a guy like me. Its so difficult to find a dominant woman. Most women just want me to take control and lead them but I always end up getting bored with it eventually and cutting them lose. I suppose I'll find my dream mistress some day...
I don't think being sexually submissive has much to do with testosterone levels. I bow to NO man. I've always been very competitive and never back down from a fight. I hate to lose.
But I'm still submissive towards women I'm attracted to. Submissive not only in the bedroom but in the sense that I want them to impose their will upon me. To own me. That will never happen though because dominant women are so few and far between.
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