Reading Old Posts

I am sitting here drinking my second... maybe third... (large) glass of wine. My dearest husband has given me a glorious massage and spent more than an adequate amount of time adoring me with even more glorious sexual attention. I have sent him to bed with a golden nightcap of my own making and a very well-deserved orgasm to end an evening of his perfect devotion.

I have spent the better part of the last thirty minutes re-reading old posts. I am quite aroused by my reminiscing. As I now look over at my husband sleeping so peacefully, I cannot help but recall with such vivid precision how he knelt before me and so lovingly drank my lover's seed from me.

I also confess that I have just emailed Jim. I have actually exchanged a number of emails since our first encounter. An unexpected consequence of that evening is that I have awakened a submissive side in Jim that he never knew he had. His emails to me are filled with a very sincere curiousity about the glory of serving as my submissive. If he were here now, I would have him worship me only as long as I could resist a command to ravage me. What a wonderful treat it would be to again be taken and adored.

Perhaps tomorrow I will awake and read old posts again... but without the rose colored tint of this third glass of wine.

A Night Out

We went to the black-owned restaurant and club that I had mentioned in an earlier post. While we had a nice dinner, the entire evening seemed staged and awkward. It was as if we expected to walk into the building and become besieged by beautiful black men approaching us to play into some scripted scenario. It was nothing like this. Honestly, I am a little ashamed and was reluctant to even post this brief recap of the evening.

The best part of the night was going home to a wonderful massage and the pleasures of my husband's mouth on my body.

A Young Couple's New Beginning

When I originally began this blog, it was intended as a forum for loving female authority in all of its many facets. I feel, however, that ever since I first mentioned cuckolding, that the focus has remained on this one very intense dimension of the lifestyle. For my own part, this has been therapeutic, and I am sure that for many of you it has been a great source of interest. However, let us not forget that there is more to life, and more to LFA, than mere cuckoldry.

To that end, I want to share the barest outline of a correspondence that I have entered into with a young woman who contacted me via the email address that I provided in an earlier post (kath_west "at" kittymail.com). While I have received a great many emails since first posting that address, and have appreciated most all of them, I have received nearly none from women. I should not say that this surprises me, but it is a fact worth noting.

The particular email exchange to which I now refer began about a month ago, and I post my comments on it now because I think it is exactly the sort of success story that many of you hope to achieve in your own relationships. Let me also add that I have confirmed that this story is not fabricated by a male who is corresponding with me and signing as a woman. I actually spoke to "Mindy" this weekend on the telephone.

Mindy met and married her husband Paul approximately three years ago. While Paul had been very aware of his desire to submit to women for a very long time, he never mentioned it to Mindy during their entire courtship and even the first year of their very happy marriage. It was only when Paul discovered the Around Her Finger site (www.aroundherfinger.com) and ended up buying Mindy some of the material that they sell on their Lulu page that Mindy learned about LFA. Mindy reacted quite positively to the material, and agreed to at least try out the dynamic of a female-led household. According to Mindy, it worked very well for several months, but soon Paul began to lose some of the enthusiasm that he demonstrated early in their new lifestyle choice.

Mindy pursued advice on the internet and ultimately decided on a course of action that went beyond the prescriptions offered by Emily Addison. It was on Elise Sutton's site (www.femalesuperiority.com) that she first learned about more advanced topics such as strap-on play, male chastity devices, and cuckoldry. For Mindy, the male chastity device and the strap-on play ended up being an incredibly effective combination in cementing authority in their home.

Mindy has indicated that her practical experience in LFA has been remarkably similar to my own. She receives the evening massages and oral/anal worship that I also enjoy. She has also made effective use of golden showers and had some of the same initial challenges with this activity that my husband and I experienced. She has not practiced cuckoldry, and says she is quite certain she never will, but she has discussed it with her husband. It is clearly a turn-on to him, but he also prefers that it never move beyond mere fantasy. We have discussed several ways that she can extend the fantasy without ever following through on the reality.

The message of Mindy's story is that LFA is within reach for many of you that seek it in your own lives. Do not continue to live a lie by keeping these feelings from your wife. Open, share and grow in your submission. She deserves your obedience and you know you will be happier under her guidance and control.

A Storm of Disconent

I cannot say that I was surprised by the intensity of the reaction to my last post. The link unquestionably takes the viewer to material that is not in keeping with the purpose or tone of this blog. I do think, however, that many of you ignored my motivation in posting this link.

I do not for a moment suppose that the thoughtful readership of this site will benefit from the link that I posted. I was instead motivated by the notion of the reciprocal link on their site. My own husband confesses that he was a discreet consumer of femdom pornography before realizing the higher calling of true submission and service to me. I believe that many men's base instincts take them to visual and often demeaning imagery on the internet. I have something to offer these men, and I hope they will come to me find a more meaningful model of female authority.

This is not a commercial endeavor on my part. I am continually offended but increasingly less concerned with the naysayers and cynics who question not only my motives but indeed my very existence.

Links

In the past, I have recommended sites such as www.aroundherfinger.com and www.femalesuperiority.com as good resources for aspiring male submissives. These are both sites which I very highly endorse.

However, I have been approached a number of times to participate in link exchanges with other sites. I have resisted the temptation to do so, but now have reconsidered. I believe that the reciprocal links that they offer will provide an opportunity to grow the community of active particpants in the discussion which I moderate. I have been very proud of the non-commercial nature of my blog, and wish to keep it this way for the forseeable future. If enough of you object to my participation in link exchanges, and provide good arguments to support your position, I will reconsider. For now, I am beginning my experiment with the following link:


FEMDOM
TGP -
Free Femdom tgp,
galleries and movies

Valentines Day Plans

For valentines, my husband suggested a black-owned restaurant that we both know is frequented by young, upscale blacks. There is an adjacent club that attracts more singles than would the restaurant itself. We have never been to the club or the restaurant, but only know it by reputation. I thought it would be very fun, but our attempt to get reservations did not work out. I suppose others had the same idea.

Maybe some other time.

Does the fantasy of the black bull perpetuate a racist stereotype

Tallchisub raises a very good point in his post to my last comment. Does the fantasy of the black bull perpetuate a rascist stereotype?

I find myself becoming sexually excited by the idea of being with a black man. Is there a racist origin to my fantasy? My husband, like many submissive men with an interest in cuckolding, has very special interest in being cuckolded by a black man. Is he a racist? Is it a reflection of "white social guilt" on his part for the crimes that society has perpetuated on the black race? Does he now want to submit to humiliation by a black man to repent for this history? Is my own interest a function of the same? Is my own perception (shared by my husband) of a black man's physical superiority in sexual matters a rascist stereotype?

Do most of my submissive readers imagine white or black bulls when considering cuckold fantasies? Please comment.

Wonderful Dialogue and Some Context

I want to thank all of you have made the incredibly thoughtful posts to my last comment. I never imagined that this blog would be such a tremendous catalyst to my thinking. I encourage all of you to please continue to share your thoughts. I very much like the idea of leading a community with this blog rather than just publishing my own ideas.

I want you all to know that my husband and I have been enjoying our marriage in recent weeks in ways that I know we never could have done before the AHF dynamic began. The acceleration of that dynamic via the cuckolding experience has opened new doors into each others emotions and we are, with no doubt, closer than ever.

Last night he knelt in front of me worshipfully as he often does. I stroked my fingers through his hair and felt for maybe the first time that I was understanding him completely. His submission to me is his heart screaming a love poem to the woman he adores.

We have talked a little more about eventually re-initiating cuckolding. One of the suggestions that was made in a reader posts was to choose a man who might have less similarities to my husband than did Jim... perhaps a man of another race. This interests me greatly.

Insecurity vs. Jealousy

I have read and value the comments posted to my last entry. It is interesting to me that they have focussed on my husband's insecurity rather than his jealousy. Are they the same? To me, envy is a more primal emotion and easier to understand. I am not so certain that insecurity has the same primitive ancestory.

I genuinely believes that my husband accepts his submission, therefore he is quite secure with who he is and how he relates to me. He should also be, by now, absolutely certain that my dominance is not a fleeting interest, but a core part of my personality. Therefore, he should be secure and comfortable with our established roles in the relationship My cuckolding him reinforced his submission and therefore should only have made him more secure.

One might respond by arguing that he thinks the relationship itself is in jeopardy as a result of what happened. I dismiss this. He understands and internalizes my commitment to him. I think instead that his issues stem from the fact that on a certain level, almost an evolution-driven, chemical level, he cannot bear to see his mate with another. Intellectually he desires it, but the animal that remains in all of us will not permit it.

Perhaps I am rambling. As a rule, I try not to think out loud in this forum. However, I am still formulating by final thoughts on the topic. I am interested in more feedback from all of you.

More than Subspace

My husband did indeed receive an intense subspace experience from cuckolding. He also subsequently experienced triggered events that I described in my posts. The intiial experience, as well as the subsequent events, irrespective of his ability to continue to make use of them, were a postive outcome of cuckolding. My newfound sense of irrevocable and absolute control over my husband counts as another positive from the experience.

We are, however, dealing with some of the peripheral emotional issues that many of you on this blog and professionals such as Elise Sutton have told us to expect. My husband and I have not yet fully digested the emotional impact that the event has had on our relationship. At the core of it seems to be newfound insecurity on his part. While he does have an intellectual understanding and acceptance that I am absolutely committed and devoted to him, he has what I can only describe as very primal fears that my devotion is in jeopardy.

I will guide him through these issues and we will be more perfectly bonded as a result. Yet to omit these aftershocks from the ballad that I am unfolding would be an injustice to all of you, and that is why I mention them now.

Cuckolding: Latency Issues

Enough time has passed since cuckolding my husband that we are detached from the emotional and sexual intensity of the event. We are able to look back and truly evaluate how it has made us feel.

I had written shortly after the cuckolding occured how incredibly empowering the experience was for me. I stand by this earlier statement. However, I could not then and cannot now detach myself from the impact that the experience has had on my husband.

Initially, my husband viewed the experience in light of the intensity to which it drove him into the hypnotic, endorphin-charged state of mind that is commonly called subspace. Cuckolding, like no other activity, triggered subspace episodes that were incredibly powerful. This is undeniable, and I think that both of us, as well as many of you, anticipated this outcome. Furthermore, it provided an experiential trigger which allowed him to re- initiate the endorphin rush by consciously recalling the experience. Similarly, it allowed me to trigger this same release by either overtly referring to his cuckold status or wearing, as I have several times since that night, the special necklace that I purchased for the occasion.

My husband's journeys into subspace have represented spiritually and emotionally satisfying events for both of us, and as such, are regarded as a positive outcome of the total experience. However, as of recently, my husband has confessed that they have begun to lose their efficacy. It is both harder for him to self-trigger the state of mind, and when he does, it seems less intense.

I asked him what he felt the solution to this problem might be and whether he felt that it might involve me spending another evening with my lover. My husband was very quick to answer that he did not know the answer, but that he was not yet ready for another cuckolding experience. He was deferential and acknowledged that he would take whatever course of action I felt appropriate, but at this time he hoped I would not involve Jim. Of course I am respecting his wishes.

I think my husband and I have much to deal with after the thrill of our experience continues to dissolve into the fabric and pattern of our memories. We will continue to grow through this what has hapened, but let our current struggle to come to terms with that evening serve as a caution to all that read this blog.

Contacting Me Privately

It has come to my attention that there are some that view my blog that would like to contact me privately. I cannot promise that I will respond to each message, but I have decided to publish the following email address. I ask that you please be respectful when you contact me.

I am masking the address because I believe it will minimize the quantity of spam that I will receive. You should, however, have no trouble deciphering my code.

kath_west (at) kittymail (dotcom)

Married Men and Professional Dommes

I have often wondered if married men have found that their need to submit is sated by a visit to a professional dominatrix. Can a man truly surrender to a woman he barely knows and who he only serves for brief period of time.

Are there men out there who have explored this avenue of release and can you comment on how it did or did not satisfy your expectations?

New Year's Eve

All is not cuckolding.

My husband and I went out to dinner with a group of friends on New Year's Eve. As you know, we generally keep our lifestyle as a very private matter, and while my husband is always particularly attentive to me in public, most of our social circle would never suspect the extent to which I truly control him.

After dinner, we sat and drank wine and all became very tipsy and giddy. One of the men at the table very light-heartedly mentioned that my husband was by far the most pussy-whipped in the group and truly showed no signs of even wanting to wear the pants in our relationship. While this was a very astute observation, the comment had the potential to bring an uncomfortable moment to what was otherwise a very pleasant evening. My husband, however, good naturedly concurred with our friend's observation and ultimately opened the door to more revelations than had heretofore come to pass.

My husband confessed that I was clearly the Alpha-spouse in the home and that he would have it no other way. In fact, he went on, all marriages would be better off if men were the submissive partners in the marriage. He described how in our own home, he does the laundry, the house-cleaning and the cooking. His most important job is "chief pamperer", and he is always at my beck and call with foot rubs, massages, or whatever might please me. A this point I intervened as I thought he might be on the verge of going to far with personal details. I rubbed my hand on the back of his neck and told the group that my husband is the perfect man, and with a smile, explained that he was always rewarded for his efforts. Besides a few friendly giggles, really, nothing more was said about it that night.

Last night, I went to the mall with one of the women that we had been to dinner with on New Year's. Apparently the conversation did not pass quickly from her thoughts. She prodded me for more details and wanted to know if my marriage was really like my husband described. I did my best to deflect her questions. We will see if she brings them up again, but for now, I was not ready to share any more than had already been confessed. While I believe in this lifestyle, I realize that loving female authority - even far short of the level to which we practice it in our home - represents a powder keg of prejudices and perceptions. I am not quite sure that I am ready to have a partner in crime with a woman to whom I am so close.

Again, I will wait and see if she continues to press the matter.

Cuckolding Takes Place

Jim and I returned from dinner at around 10:30 and found that my husband had prepared our home for our arrival. There was music playing that I did not recognize. It was very dark piano music, a jazz artist that he had discovered on the internet. The only lights in the house were candles. There was a trail of white rose petals that led to the door of the bedroom. As Jim and I followed the trail into the bedroom, we could not help but notice that the trail of white petals led to red rose petals that surrounded the bed in an imperfect, scattered ring. My husband knelt beside the bed and inside the ring. His head was bowed and in his upstretched hands he held a single glass of red wine. Jim took the glass from him and took a sip. He handed the glass to me and I finished it, placing it back on the nightstand beside our bed.

Jim took me in his arms and kissed me. He began undressing me, but I stopped him. I asked him to go into the bathroom to get undressed and told him that my husband would remove my clothes. This gave my husband an opportunity to spend a few private, intimate moments with me before his transformation would occur. He undressed me with great care. He planted small kisses on my feet and my thighs. I ran my fingers through his hair. When he was completely done, he pulled back the covers of the bed and I lay down perfectly beautiful before him, wearing only the necklace that I had chosen to serve as a tangible reminder of the new life that I was ushering in for him.

Jim then walked back into the room. His naked body was very impressive. He had an athletic chest. His penis hung semi-hard between his legs. It was not enormous, but it was larger than my husbands and it was very beautiful. He matched my stare as he approached me, and he put one knee on the bed as leaned over me to kiss me. His one leg remained on the floor as he moved his mouth over my neck and down to taste my chest. I was extraordinarily aroused and I closed my eyes and moved my own hand betweeen my legs where I allowed it to massage and moisten me. He moved his own hand over mine and manipulated my fingers so that I had the best of both worlds, both the softness of my own feminine touch and the strength of his hands working together for my pleasure.

I opened my eyes to see that Jim had grown fully erect. It had been a very long time since I had put a penis in my mouth. I had abandoned long ago and forever the notion of servicing my husband. At this occasion, however, I was suddenly struck with a desire to put all of Jim's cock into my mouth. Again, with one leg on the floor and one on the bed, he positioned himself in such a way as to accomodate my hunger. With my eyes again closed I put my mouth on his balls, ran my toungue up the length of him and finally swallowed the head of his cock. My eyes opened to see my husband gazing intently at my lust. I pulled my mouth off of Jim only long enough to smile wickedly at my husband. When I returned to sucking my lover's cock, I kept my eyes affixed on my husband's eyes. He was at once transfixed and far away.

When I had warmed Jim to his satisfaction, he pulled his hard cock from my mouth and for the first time committed himself to the bed. He lifted my outstretched legs and postioned his knees in front of my body. He pointed the head of his cock at my warm opening with military precision. He paused, knowing I had a very clear plan on how we would proceed at this point.

I held out my hand for my husband to take. I had him rise from his knees and I deliverd his hand to my lovers cock. I suspected that he might do so very gingerly, as if he was holding something he found offensive to touch. He surprised me by wrapping his fingers around the base of Jim's cock and holding it with an almost erotic grasp. With his other hand, he held the tip of Jim's cock just below the head. He guided it to my waiting body and positioned it on the warm, wet lips that had so long been reserved only for matrimonial pleasures shared between husband and wife. I watched his gaze go from Jim's cock to Jim's eyes.

"Tell him," I said.

"I want you inside her," he told Jim.

"So be it," said Jim, "I'm going to fuck your wife."

With that, Jim's cock slipped inside me. Guided only at first by my husband's hand. Then my husband stepped back and watched my flesh give way as Jim took me as his lover. He let his one leg fall back to the floor so that he could gain greater leverage as he rhythmically stroked his heavily veined, magnificent cock in and out of my body. I allowed myself to forget about my husband as I became a vixen bitch for this powerful man. My fingers pulled at his chest hairs, my breasts shook as my body was rocked by his thrusting hips. I arched my back and pointed my toes to the ceiling. I was having orgasm after orgasm and my desire for it to go on forever was only matched by my need to feel his warm ejaculation inside me. Ultimately, Jim gritted his teeth, dug his nails into my shoulders, and exploded.

It was then, with my eyes still closed and my breath short, that I noticed a warm kiss on my forehead. It was not Jim. Jim had pulled his heavy body off of me and was standing beside the bed facing me. It was my cuckold husband. He stroked my hair and kissed my forehead again.

"I love you," I whispered to him.

He closed his eyes and kissed me deeply on the mouth. I put my hand between my legs. I could feel Jim's warm seed leeking from my body. I touched it and brought it up to my husband's lips. He closed his eyes and sucked it off of my finger with an animal hunger that reminded me that his own passions were not spent. I opened my legs for him and he climbed onto the bed to position his mouth on my dripping pussy. And with this mystical potion of my lust and my lover's seed, he completed his metamorphosis into cuckoldry.

Jim stepped out of the room and into the bathroom to freshen up. It seemed like an eternity before Jim returned. I was enjoying new orgasms from my husband's mouth, and I was losing track of time. Jim took my hand to announce his return.

"Cuckold, my lover is back. Sleep on the floor beside us. We will need you again in the morning."

With that I slept. I am sure that my cuckold did not.

Impact of Cuckolding

I will very likely return to post the details of the cuckolding experience. I have written much of that post, but I am saving it for a later date. Let me talk a little bit about the aftermath of the experience as I feel that many of you may be interested in what is happening since the dust has settled.

Let me first say that we have not repeated the activity since the first encounter. Even I underestimated the intensity of this experience on my husband's submissive psyche. I do not say this to mean that the impact was negative. It certainly had the desired effect of creating a new high water mark in regard to his sub-space experience. However, I do not want this to be commonplace and jeopardize the opportunity to again hit or even exceed the emotional depth charge that it was.

I look at him differently. This is a beautiful man that has now made the ultimate surrender to me. In an evening, he layed ego, centuries of tradition, and any pretext for returning to a mainstream life at my feet. In exchange he received the perfect knowledge that he is completely and irrevocably mine.

He looks at me differently as well. It is as though I control a chemical release into his brain that he will forever need in order to feel happy and complete. Some might say the same about love, but I have known both, and I prefer this.

I have not lost interest

I have not lost interest. However, while many of the posts on this blog have been very supportive, I have been adequately offended by enough of them that I have had many second thoughts about continuing this blog. I will likely return to posting, but I am not yet ready to do so.

Cuckold Adventure Continues

My husband opened the door and welcomed my new lover into the home.

He had of course seen Jim before at the charity party where Jim and I first met. However, these were very different circumstances. I had coached Jim to be very matter of fact with my husband. Apparently all that transpired prior to my husband returning to the bathroom to announce Jim's arrival was a very non-descript introduction and hand-shake.

I gave myself one final look in the mirror and headed out to meet Jim. My husband followed behind me. We greeted each other with a small kiss and Jim was quick to compliment me. He looked very good also. He wore a pair of wool dress slacks with a tight-fitting black shirt and autumn-colored sport coat.

I instructed my husband to pour Jim and I a glass of wine. Then, at the risk of making Jim a little uncomfortable, I asked both of the boys to join me in the living room for a quick chat. I sat next to Jim on the couch and my husband took a seat in the high-backed chair opposite the two of us. I put one arm around Jim and held my wine in my other hand.

I told my husband that I had explained our marital arrangement with Jim. However, to make sure that there was perfect clarity on the matter, I asked my husband to again explain our situation. My husband was clearly nervous. He started by saying that our marriage is female-led. He chooses to submit to me because this is what makes both of us happiest. Part of that submission, he went on, includes my absolute right to take on additional sex partners. While I had never done this before, my right to do so was not to be questioned. Furthermore, my husband conceded that he very much wanted this to happen. To the extent that it was ok with the two of us, he would like to watch, and if possible, assist in any way that we required.

At this point, I asked my husband to kneel in front of me. I told Jim that my husband's involvement would be totally his (Jim's) call. In truth, I had already discussed this with Jim and we had agreed that my husband would participate. I leaned into Jim and we kissed each other passionately. For a moment, Jim's hands slid up my skirt and warmed the space between my legs. I asked Jim if he was still ok with our plans to go out to dinner and return afterwards. Jim was indeed very enthusiastic.

Now I very dramatically licked the rim of my wine glass. Then I put the glass in my two hands and extended it down to my husband. I told my husband that he has one last chance to express any concerns. Or, by taking a sip of the wine, he would seal his fate and forever be my cuckold. He took my cue and sipped the wine that I offered him. I told him to stay on his knees and watch us as we rose to leave the house. The last thing I told him as we headed out the door was that when we returned, Jim was going to fuck me.

Cuckold's Evening: Part 1

I am going to have to do this in pieces or I will never get around to finishing it. I have not yet decided what level of detail I will get into as the story progresses.

Friday afternoon, I had gone out and had my nails done while my husband was at work. He got home early, around 5:30, and I came in the door from the nail salon right after him. He greeted me at the door with a friendly peck on the cheek. I embraced him and turned his friendly peck into a deep, romantic kiss. Then I asked him to go off into the bathroom and run me my bath. When I came back to the bathroom, he was naked and kneeling beside the tub waiting for me to arrive. He helped me out of my clothes, but before getting in the water, I asked him to neatly trim the patch of hair between my legs with the clippers. He did this and then cleaned up the mess while I sat in the tub to soak.

He washed my entire body including my hair. He helped me out and wrapped me in two plush towels. I asked him to get into my bath water and clean himself up while I got started getting myself ready. He was not in the tub long. He was cleaned up, out and straightening things up as quickly as he possibly could. He definately wanted to participate in the rest of my preparations for the evening. I did my own hair and started on my make-up while he sat behind me planting soft kisses on my bottom. I told him to keep his tongue in his mouth as I did not think it would be fair to Jim otherwise.

My husband helped me into my hose, my skirt, my top, and my shoes. I told him to go get himself ready while I finished primping. He put on a pair of simple dress khakis and a starched, white button-down shirt. He returned to the bathroom and stood beside me just staring at me. He told me I looked beautiful. I stopped what I was doing and looked at him. I kissed him very softly on the lips. I told him I loved him very much. I told him that I was doing all of this because I wanted to do it, but I was doing it with the understanding that it was also what he wanted. I asked him if this was correct, and he nodded. He told me he loved me also. Then he told me that in submitting to me he feels intensely loved in a way that overwhelms him and satisfies him in a way that he could only describe as primal... as spiritual and physiological at the same time. He said he knew that he would feel that love on this night and in fact said he felt it as he spoke. I handed him the necklace that we had bought on our shopping trip and asked him to put it on me. I told him that I was wearing it for this occasion, and I wanted it to always remind him of this evening. He held it to his lips and kissed it before fastening it around my neck.

I told him to go into the kitchen and open a bottle of wine while I finished up. I asked him to set out two glasses, but not to pour anything just yet. I was still primping in front of the mirror when I heard the doorbell ring.

Breakfast

My husband served breakfast to Jim and me before Jim left late this morning. I will post a more detailed update when time and energy permit. For now let me just advise any of you fantasizing about submission to your wives and not living the joys that it has to offer, please do yourselves a favor and buy the Around Her Finger book immediately!