Instructions for my Male Readers

For the most part, people are not stumbling across sites that preach the virtues of loving female authority. Most of the people that come to sites like this do so because they have an active interest in the topic.

I think that the best way to generate awareness and enthusiasm for wife-led households is to push for mentions of the topic in general audience media outlets. Send letters and emails to magazines, post on forums related to marriage advice, call your local radio talk shows. Do anything that allows people that are completely unaware of femdom marriages to hear about the topic. You can mention your favorite sites if you want, but just mentioning the subject in general will at least make people aware of the fact that sites like this even exist. People can then do their own research with a search engine if they wish.

Male visitors to this blog are encouraged to reach out to the media at least once a month with some sort of plea to cover this topic. Please post comments against this post to indicate what you are doing to honor this request and what, if any, response you might get. If you send emails to sites, include a copy of the email and the address to which you sent it in your post. The Around Her Finger Movement begins with individuals just like yourselves.

The Missing Link of Loving Female Authority

Men have definately accounted for the majority of individuals that have commented on this site. This is no accident. I am absolutely sure that there are countless more men than women that know they are interested in female dominaiton as a lifestyle. I think that dominant women are generally content to be so without analyzing and fantasizing about it. Submissive men, however, have a near obsession with it and seek forums such as this for kindred souls and genuine advice for developing a femdom dynamic in their own relationships.

The real irony is that women could more easily benefit from forums such as this because the message to potential dominant wives is so simple and easily understood. They need only understand the "great missing link" of loving female authority. That missing link is that it is not enough for men to submit to a woman. They need her to acknowledge his submission and communicate their dominance over him. Men are willing to serve any woman that actively dominates him for as long as it pleases her. They can only serve in secret for so long. I think this is the central message of the Around Her Finger movement.

The Politics of Femdom

I have heard the growing consciousness of male interest in loving female authority described as the Around Her Finger Movement. It is an interesting term as it is easily and quickly described and has the convenient follow on monicker that men are happiest when wrapped around the finger of the woman they love. The purpose of this post, however, is to explore how a man's submissive nature translates into a political disposition and a broader political movement.

My husband and I are both basically libertarians. We are socially liberal and economically conservative. In the voting booth that has generally translated into me voting Democrat and my husband voting Republican. There is no question that my husband would cast his vote however I tell him, but I also have no desire to rob him of this right. What will be interesting is how he will vote if Hillary is running against a man. I asked him what he would do in this situation and he was genuinely undecided. Frankly we would both be scared by the threat to our rights by someone as liberal as Hillary in office, but I for one know that I will vote for her. I like the way matriarchy works in my own home and I want to see it expanded in society in general. I suspect that he does as well.

I welcome your thoughts on this topic. However... I have one caveat. While I shared my own political views to set up my story, I am not interested in arguing politics on this site. You are of course welcome to share your own views to introduce your comments, but men especially, don't dare challenge my conclusions regarding politics. I will delete your posts at once. If you want to argue politics go to Little Green Footballs or one of the countless blogs devoted to general political discussion.

Pushing Him

One thing that becomes evident as a wife-led relationship progresses is that his work in completing routine chores does not provide him the same endorphin rush that it did in the beginning. Submission is an all encompassing relationship dynamic, but after years of doing my laundry (for example), I am certain that ironing my blouses does not have the same sexual edge it once did. In one very real sense this is irrelevant. He will do my personal bidding as I see fit regardless of the pleasure he takes from it. In another sense, however, I am obligated to continue to stimulate his submission simply because I love him and I want to see him take pleasure from his service.

I am constantly showering him with reminders of my control in the relationship. Sexual teasing during the day and erotic activities in the evening go a very long way in keeping him motivated. However, at least one visitor to this blog implied in his post that my interest in cuckolding my husband represents another step in intensifying my domination over him -- a step I take only because I am becoming bored with all the steps we have taken so far. I wondered if perhaps there was some truth to this. Cuckolding would probably be the last step I would ever take, and I hate to think that I go there because I am addicted to intensifying my relationship. This would mean that after cuckolding there would be nothing else left to explore.

After much thought I have decided that this is not the case. I am not on a linear path in my relationship with my husband that would ultimately have an end-game. I am in a relationship with my husband that was wonderful before femdom, and will be wonderful if we do or do not explore activities that we have so far avoided.

An Obvious Purchase

If you have ever had a massage in an upscale spa, you know that they typically offer no comparison to what most husbands, submissive or otherwise, might offer at home. I want to share with you some of the elements of the home massages that my husband gives me that make them a truly escapist experience.

To begin with, he purchased a moderately priced massage table off the internet. The entry-level models range in price from $250 to $500. Be certain to get one that has an extended head-rest and that can support the combined weight of the two of you. The same online stores that sell these also sell massage aromatherapy equipment, massage stones and warmers, linens, etc. Be sure to purchase the massage oil in quantity. Another thing that separate the home massage from the spa massage is the quantity of oil or creme that they use in the massage. Do not let him be stingy. Have him use a generous amount of the oil and spend a lot of time on each muscle area working it in.

Also, setting the mood is important. We do our massages in a loft area off of our den so that we do not constantly have to set up and break down. We have about fifteen candles, a cd player that plays custom mixes that I put together (lasting about an hour each), an aromatherapy vaporizer, and towels, linens, etc.

I tell him to go set up the massage and he runs up to get it ready before I go up. When I come up, it is in nothing but a robe. He is waiting next to the table, candles lit and music playing, on his knees completely naked. I lay down on the table as I would at a spa, except for the fact that I place a small pillow below my hips so that as the massage comes to a conclusion, he will have better access to my anus and vagina for oral service. He covers me with a sheet and proceeds to massage one part of my body at a time until the CD comes to a conclusion. Then, and only then, do I allow him permission to go down on me from behind. This lasts for about another twenty minutes until I decide how I want our intimacy to conclude for the evening.

We have been doing this -- I would estimate -- three to five times a week for over two years. Therefore I look at the several hundred dollar investment in the massage table as pennies given the value it represents. By my rough math, my average cost per massage to date is below $1.00 per instance. A massage at the high end spas in my own area cost over $100 per hour and they don't include the twenty minutes of delightful tongue dancing on my bottom!

For men that are already living in femdom marriages, buying this table is a duty. For those that want to nurture their wife's dominance, I would say there could be no better first step than this.

My Husband's Views on Cuckolding

Quite a number of the comments posted by viewers of this site have appropriately urged caution concerning any plans I might have to cuckold my husband. My husband and I had a lengthy and candid conversatoin on this topic last night, and I thought I would post some of his thoughts here on the blog.

He confesses that cuckolding scares him to death. Just as I have confided in all of you that he is the most important person in my life, I am also the most important person in his. Any cuckolding experience holds the potential to unleash emotional energy beyond what we can imagine going into it. Also, the idea of me developing an attachment to my new lover that transcends mere physical pleasure is not something either one of us would want to happen. This is a very real fear for him.

So between the two of us, we share a mutual knowledge that cuckolding is dangerous. We also,however, share a mutual understanding that it is incredibly powerful. He knows that there is nothing that will more acutely stimulate his submission than to assist me as I am taken by another man. He described his fantasies to me in this regard with great detail. Whether or not I ever go through with it, I absolutely must leave open the possibility that I will. We both need to know, for our own reasons, that I am the sovereign in our marriage. My limits are my limits, but his limits are whatever I decide that they are.

Last night, after our conversation, I took him with my strap-on with an intensity I seldom have brought to our lovemaking. I ultimately collapsed on his body in exhaustion. I saw afterwards that he was crying. I kissed his tears then ordered him to sleep on the floor at the foot of my bed.

My Husband's Role in this Blog

When I first started this blog, my husband was among the first to read every post. It was only when I began to plot out the details of my cuckolding plan that I restricted him from viewing this blog. He is once again reading these posts.

To my husband, this blog is a mechanism for appealing to his desire to be publicly outed as a submissive without the consequences of our family and friends having access to the intimate details of our personal life. I think that many submissive men want the world to know that they serve their wife, but also recognize that the world immediately around them may not be quite ready for that reality.

I may again decide to take another look at cuckolding. If I do, I will likely think of another way of sharing the details of my intentions outside of this blog yet still involve the growing community of readers interested in our relationship. The idea of having a large number of strangers knowing more about my intentions than my husband has a great appeal to me -- despite what anyone else might feel about it.

For Those Who Find this Site Objectionable

I received a very respectful, but disapproving post that was critical of the relationship that I have with my husband.

I understand that many, even most, people that would happen across this blog would be quite shocked by the nature of our wife-led household. My most sincere regret, however, is that anyone's initial introduction to loving female authority come from this blog. While many men that have been suppressing their inner desire to submit to women might immediately realize what wife worship has to offer them from reading through these posts, many other men and certainly most women would consider the advanced nature of my own relationship as much too extreme.

As I have done in previous posts, I encourage anyone reading this blog to go and read through the Addison's www.aroundherfinger.com site. They describe a much more genteel approach to loving female authority that I do here. Nobody that reads through their site with an open mind could deny that their approach is both realistic and satisfying for all those that choose to embrace it.

Are All Women Candidates for Wife-led Marriages?

Clearly there are some women for whom cultural, religous and even psychological reasons are going to be extremely reluctant to embrace what loving female authority can offer them. Maybe there are some women that will never embrace their dominant side. However, I honestly believe that most women can be coaxed into assuming a position of more authority in their home and, over time, can become more dominant. They may not have their husbands kneeling in front of them while they pee in your mouth, but they can and will get used to the idea of telling them what they expect and want.

In a recent comment to one of my posts 'Quiet Guy' complains that his wife refuse to believe that he'll start doing more housework. Well, Quiet Guy, prove it to her. Get up at 4:00 a.m. and have it done before she's out of bed if that's what it takes. Submission is very serious business. It is not a game. Until she's received her 52nd foot rub from you, until you've made some token confession of your submission, until you have made every effort to prove to her that you are there to serve her, then don't give up.

You belong kneeling at her feet, and she deserves to dominate you. Take your seduction of her dominant nature as seriously as you take your fantasies of sexual submission.

Mainstreaming the Wife-led Household

I would imagine that the community of couples participating in relationships where both woman and man openly acknowledge her dominance is very small. I would be relatively certain that it is fewer than 5,000 households, maybe fewer than 1,000 (please challenge me on this if you have evidence to the contrary). However, I believe that the number of households is enormous where 1) the man is a closet submissive and would LOVE to be controlled by his wife, and 2) the wife would be open to the idea if it were appropriately presented to her.

I am certain that this blog is not particularly helpful to drive a movement of mainstreaming the femdom relationship. I have already crossed barriers in sharing my own experiences that detract from the poignancy of an initial introduction.

I think the two key selling points for a woman are that first and foremost, submission is an expression of a man's love for his wife. Men have trouble expressing themselves. My husband's submission to me is love just as my nurturing of his submission is also love. The second selling point is that it will make a woman's life more comfortable. He works hard to keep me happy. In doing so, it makes him happy. Incidentlally, his happiness is not beside the point.

I have rambled even though I try to avoid doing so in this blog. Anyone that chooses to build on these points and/or can offer suggestions for mainstreaming femdom, please do so.

Sometimes Even a Dominant Wife Likes to Be Taken

I am dominant and my husband is submissive. That will never change. I have become much too comfortable with the benefits of my authority in the home to ever go back, and he receives so much deeply felt gratification and satisfaction from his service to me that I am almost convinced it is his innate nature.

From a physical intimacy perspective, my greatest physical pleasure comes from prolonged oral service followed by penetrative intercourse. For reasons I have already discussed, I do not always permit him intercourse, and when I do, I do not always permit him an orgasm. When we do have intercouse, it is always with my express permission and his cock always enters my body with great reverence. His strokes are measured and mechanical, having been coached by me as to what pace makes me receive the most pleasure.

That said, there is still a part of me that just wants to be ravaged. I want something other than the obedient tongue and even-tempo of a cock that follows my orders. Can a dominant woman be ravaged by her submissive husband? Will this upset the domestic applecart? I don't know.

It definately puts the idea (and just the idea) of cuckolding back into my mind.

Become a Submissive Husband

I wanted to thank everyone for all their wonderful posts and comments. I am considering all the advice that I get in regard to any future decisions that I might make, so please do not hesitate to continue posting on either the cuckolding issue or anything else of interest.

I wanted to reply to 'Quiet Guy' in my blog because he had specifically asked that I do so. Quiet Guy is typical of many men in their fifties who are now comfortable enough with who they are that they can open up (at least to themselves) about submissive feelings that they have had bottled up for years.

I am certainly no expert on how to approach your wife about your feelings, but I absolutely understand men's fear that their wives will regard the lifestyle as a bit too kinky for them. I would ordinarily recommend www.aroundherfinger.com, but in Quiet Guy's case, he had already been there and bought the book. His concern is that the idea of orgasm denial which is mentioned on the site might be over the top for his wife.

Quiet Guy, I think you absolutely wrong. Women do not understand how a man's brain chemistry is affected by an orgasm. Open up to her, write her a letter if you must, but don't live the next twent-five years of your life choking on this secret desire of yours. It will make both of you happier if you express an interest in it. Let her read the book. Get her opinion on it. Let her know that submission is an expression of love. You will grow together as a result. You belong on your knees in front of her, and she deserves your open acknowledgement of submission and obedience.

Good luck.

What Creates a Submissive Man?

I think there are many theories as to why men become submissive, but little evidence beyond anecdotal accounts.

I think the standard explanation of men who have great responsibilities at work and merely want to relinquish control to another is pure poppycock. There are many submissive men that do not have high-powered careers, yet still crave loving female authority. Also, there are many very succesful men that are overwhelmed by responsibility, yet have not the slightest notion of taking pleasure from a woman that takes them with a strap-on.

My own husband describes how he was aware of his submission very early in his life, even before he reached the age of puberty. This would tend to support the idea that submission is innate in some men. This may be the case, and the idea that it is the natural evolution of human gender relationships taking shape has incredible appeal to me. However, I have seen nothing that would tend to prove this through empirical data. Maybe it cannot be proven through empirical data.

I welcome your thoughts and would really welcome evidence to support them.

Academic Research on Male Submission

I have tried but failed to find some quantitative account of how many men fantasize about being dominated by a woman. I thought with all of the Universities offering degrees in human sexuality, that there must certainly be some academic study ranking male sexual fantasies. I cannot find anything reliable and documented that does so.

If you are aware of any serious research on this topic and can post links to where it can be found, please post them here.

Cuckolding on Hold

While I have yet to tell my husband (for whom this blog remains off limits), I have decided to put the cuckolding experiment on hold. When I next email my ex-fiance, I will tell him I just wanted to give him something to think about and that I will reach back out to him when I am ready to discuss my web site suggestions further.

One very liberating thought is that the decision of whether or not to cuckold my husband remains mine to make. I am the final authority in my home, and I know that for my husband, it is an intense reminder of his submission to me that I am only an impulse away from taking another man as my lover. I think that the very idea that I can and might still cuckold him may have nearly the same impact with none of the emotional risk of actual intercourse with another man..

My sincere thanks to those that have posted on the topic. Rest assured that I will continue to post, but will find other areas of our relationship with which to detail for readers. Also, please know that I am available for questions and topic suggestions if you will only post to let me know your areas of interest.

Second Thoughts

I got a posting from 'Dirk' that really hit a nerve. He's encouraging me not to play with fire and to put the cuckolding plans on indefinate hold. I think he may be right. Please, please will anyone that has experience or thoughts on this topic please weigh in with your comments. I'm already resolved to slow down.

I just need to give this more time and think about it since once done, I can never undo it.

Cuckolding Plans: So Far So Good

My ex-fiance (and current candidate for a lover with whom I plan on cuckolding my husband), responded to my email in which I asked for his feedback on the Around Her Finger site. This site is the most tame of the femdom sites on the web and is really more of a non-threatening introduction -- sort of a seduction -- to loving female authority than it is anything else. It does not mention cuckolding. I sent it to him only to see if even the notion of a female-led household was too much for him to handle.

To my surprise and delight he wrote me back an email saying that the site appealed to him in a way he never could have imagined. He said that he has been excited by dominant women his entire life, but had never pursued a relationship like this because he thought they didn't exist. He thought, like many people, that domination and submission is all about whips and chains.

His reaction was almost too accepting. I merely wanted to check that he would not be put off by the nature of my relationship with my husband. I do not want another submissive lover. With my husband, I have a submissive man in my life already. I want my ex-fiance to come in and play the part of the alpha male in order to intensify the bond my husband and I already have. In the end, this is not about my ex-fiance, it is not about me or my husband individually, it is about my husband and I together.

In his email response, he wanted to know where I was going with all of this. I told him I am not quite ready to let him know. I sent him another link, this one Elise Sutton's site, and have asked for his feedback on her site as well.

I will keep everyone updated. Thank you for all the emails of support.

Testing the Waters with My "Bull"

I have heard the term "bull" used to refer to the lover that a woman chooses to take when she cuckolds her husband. It's somewhat crass, but it will work. Eventually I need to come up with a pseudonym with which to refer to him on this blog. I'm open to suggestions.

I received one comment (thank you, 'quiet guy') which brought up an interesting point. While a wife-led household is new to me, a latent dominant personality is not. I suppose that my ex-fiance might have recognized this quality in me and would not be surprised to learn that I have taken it to a new level. I decided it was time to take somewhat of my first gamble with him.

Last night, with my husband kneeling in front of me and giving me a foot rub, I again called my ex-fiance. We had a very pleasant, and incredibly flirtatious chat. Towards the end of the call I asked him his email address as I had something on which I wanted his opinion. (I had my husband scuttle into the kitchen to get a pad and paper on which to write it down. He's helping me already!)

This morning I have sent him the link to the Around Her Finger site. I'll first get his feedback on this site and then confess that my husband and I live in a wife-led household. Based on his reaction, I'll next send him to Elise Sutton's site. Assuming an open mind after reading her site, who knows what I'll do next. I'll definately talk to him honestly about what I would like to do. I might even send him to this blog and let him put two and two together. Imagine his surprise when my ex-fiance figures out that he is my current bull-in-waiting!

Pedicures from my Husband

Sorry... no cuckolding updates today. There are so many other aspects of our lifestyle on which to comment, however, that I will never be without something to say.

I seem to be one of the few dominant wives on-line that does not receive pedicures and manicures from my husband. Realistically, he is just not equipped to do a professional job. For one, the nail salons have those wonderful foot baths for which the home versions just do not do justice. Secondly, there is definately a skill to doing the nails, and it is one for which I have lost patience being my husband's test patient.

I love to have him kiss and lick my feet, and I love foot massages. But at least in our home, he does not do my nails. This is a treat that I continue to receive outside of the home.

Moving Forward

I have told my husband that I want him off the computer until further notice. I intend to discuss more about my plans on line than I care for him to know in advance.

I called my ex-fiance today and had a "long-time-no-talk" sort of call. While I was a little flirty, I definately did not tip my hat as to my intentions. I mentioned to him that I would be in his city next month and if it were convenient we should catch up over dinner. He agreed that given a couple of weeks notice he would love to catch up with me.

I'm now getting a little nervous over the whole thing. I don't just mean the implications on my relationship with my husband, but also the fact that I will be outing the femdom nature of my marriage to someone with whom I have a very strong past and with whom I still share many personal friends and acquaintences. I suppose I need to let him know. I welcome any and all input on how to proceed with him.